Sunday, May 20, 2007
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Scratching the Surface....
I remember when you both came to pick me up from school and mommy was crying...sitting in the front seat. i went to the back and she came out to come to the back to sit next to me and you started moving the car before she was in completely...she had to quickly get in and slam the door. She showed me her lip...it was bleeding. from where you slapped her.
I remember when u slapped my sister because she said something to you about going to do laundry.
I remember when she picked up the phone in the middle of the night when u used to work the night shift and u didnt want to go to work. so they called and she picked up and then u had to go to work. but before u left, u came into her room and beat her while she was sleeping.
I remember when u slapped me because i didnt tell u we were going to the movies with uncle.
I remember waking up suddenly with my heart beating so fast i thot it would explode because I heard u guys arguing downstairs about one thing or the other.
I remember watching you take a running start to try and kick my mommy in her chest because the GAY organist wouldnt stop calling her, or hugging her in church. The church that you still go to.
I remember writing an angry letter to you guys because I was tired or living with all the fighting and I didnt think I could take it.
I remember my sister having to go to therapy because she couldn't handle it anymore
Regardless...
I remember that my sister is about to graduate from med. school. And my sister who swore she would never get married is getting married. And I'm learning to face down my demons and learning that I'm capable of giving and receiving love. And even when i get shot down, i keep trying. And my sister who had to live with you guys all alone while we were all in school seems to be adjusting well to adult life.
I remember that no matter how difficult things might have been/be, you would in an instant give everything. EVERYTHING for your family. And that makes me love you.
I remember that it kills me to write this but i have to get it all out so that i dont keep it in and have it cripple my mind so much that when it all hits me i crash and burn. cant crash and burn anymore.
But God....
I remember when u slapped my sister because she said something to you about going to do laundry.
I remember when she picked up the phone in the middle of the night when u used to work the night shift and u didnt want to go to work. so they called and she picked up and then u had to go to work. but before u left, u came into her room and beat her while she was sleeping.
I remember when u slapped me because i didnt tell u we were going to the movies with uncle.
I remember waking up suddenly with my heart beating so fast i thot it would explode because I heard u guys arguing downstairs about one thing or the other.
I remember watching you take a running start to try and kick my mommy in her chest because the GAY organist wouldnt stop calling her, or hugging her in church. The church that you still go to.
I remember writing an angry letter to you guys because I was tired or living with all the fighting and I didnt think I could take it.
I remember my sister having to go to therapy because she couldn't handle it anymore
Regardless...
I remember that my sister is about to graduate from med. school. And my sister who swore she would never get married is getting married. And I'm learning to face down my demons and learning that I'm capable of giving and receiving love. And even when i get shot down, i keep trying. And my sister who had to live with you guys all alone while we were all in school seems to be adjusting well to adult life.
I remember that no matter how difficult things might have been/be, you would in an instant give everything. EVERYTHING for your family. And that makes me love you.
I remember that it kills me to write this but i have to get it all out so that i dont keep it in and have it cripple my mind so much that when it all hits me i crash and burn. cant crash and burn anymore.
But God....
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
My favorite things
Picture Post...
1. Music
2. Yummy Stuff
3. The smell of wet sand, concrete,food...
4. TV...absolutely Rocks
5.
6. My fam
1. Music
2. Yummy Stuff
3. The smell of wet sand, concrete,food...
4. TV...absolutely Rocks
5.
6. My fam
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Meme
1. Yourself: INTROVERTED
2. Your partner: SEXY
3. Your hair: SUFFERING
4. Your family: WEIRD
5. Your life: INTERESTING
6. Your favourite item: PHONE
7. Your dream last night: DONT REMEMBER BUT IT HAD COWORKERS IN IT..
8. Your favourite drink: MANGO LEMONADE AND COCONUT RUM...MY OWN CONCOCTION
9. Your dream car: MERCEDES..SOMN SOMN
10. The room you are in: WARM
11. Your ex: NO COMMENT
12. Your fear: FAILURE
13. What you want to be in 10 years: USEFUL
14. Who you hung out with last night: mOI
15. What you're not: AFRAID OF CHANGE
16. Muffins: CHOCOLATE CHIP
17: One of your wish list items: A HOUSE
18: Time: 8:51
19. The last thing you did: TV
20. What you are wearing: JAMMIES
21. Your favourite weather: WARM
22. Your favourite book: THE ALCHEMIST
23. The last thing you ate: CASHEW NUTS
24. Your life: CRAZY
25. Your mood: STRANGE
26. Your best friend: Pial made me put her name
27. What you're thinking about right now: WHAT TO EAT.
28. What you are doing at the moment: THIS
29. Your summer:WORK
30. Your relationship status: 5TH
31. What is on your TV: AI
32. What is the weather like: BEAUTIFUL
33. When was the last time you laughed: TODAY..
2. Your partner: SEXY
3. Your hair: SUFFERING
4. Your family: WEIRD
5. Your life: INTERESTING
6. Your favourite item: PHONE
7. Your dream last night: DONT REMEMBER BUT IT HAD COWORKERS IN IT..
8. Your favourite drink: MANGO LEMONADE AND COCONUT RUM...MY OWN CONCOCTION
9. Your dream car: MERCEDES..SOMN SOMN
10. The room you are in: WARM
11. Your ex: NO COMMENT
12. Your fear: FAILURE
13. What you want to be in 10 years: USEFUL
14. Who you hung out with last night: mOI
15. What you're not: AFRAID OF CHANGE
16. Muffins: CHOCOLATE CHIP
17: One of your wish list items: A HOUSE
18: Time: 8:51
19. The last thing you did: TV
20. What you are wearing: JAMMIES
21. Your favourite weather: WARM
22. Your favourite book: THE ALCHEMIST
23. The last thing you ate: CASHEW NUTS
24. Your life: CRAZY
25. Your mood: STRANGE
26. Your best friend: Pial made me put her name
27. What you're thinking about right now: WHAT TO EAT.
28. What you are doing at the moment: THIS
29. Your summer:WORK
30. Your relationship status: 5TH
31. What is on your TV: AI
32. What is the weather like: BEAUTIFUL
33. When was the last time you laughed: TODAY..
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Wants...and Indians.
"Mommy! I DONT WANT IT"....this is me screaming and crying even though i probably had a 104 fever and malaria whilst being held down by my mom and two nurses because they are about to inject me with nasty novalgene...
Then my mom says.."It's not what you want, it's what's good for you".
I can't count how many times my mom has said this to me/us. But as my youth draws to a close and my brain transitions from young adult to grown woman, I can like so totally understand what she means by that.
Just because you want something, doesnt necessarily mean that it's good for you. This goes for life, love and the pursuit of happiness....i think.
So anyways, i went to return some books to the library...super overdue of course and I was walking to my car and what did i see? Lo and behold...Indians...those engineering building indians..so i did something strange....I inhaled...yes, I inhaled an Indian because i wanted to see if they smell the same as those nedderman ones...and because I am homesick! Yes, they smell the same.
And then I went to c-town..which was just gross but they have the sweetest pineapples and bananas this side of 84, so i bought some....yummay!
Then my mom says.."It's not what you want, it's what's good for you".
I can't count how many times my mom has said this to me/us. But as my youth draws to a close and my brain transitions from young adult to grown woman, I can like so totally understand what she means by that.
Just because you want something, doesnt necessarily mean that it's good for you. This goes for life, love and the pursuit of happiness....i think.
So anyways, i went to return some books to the library...super overdue of course and I was walking to my car and what did i see? Lo and behold...Indians...those engineering building indians..so i did something strange....I inhaled...yes, I inhaled an Indian because i wanted to see if they smell the same as those nedderman ones...and because I am homesick! Yes, they smell the same.
And then I went to c-town..which was just gross but they have the sweetest pineapples and bananas this side of 84, so i bought some....yummay!
Monday, March 12, 2007
Grown and Sexy..and Wentworth Miller
I thought I would be mega depressed this past weekend because I was missing my family and friends.After all my hooks and crooks, I still couldn't get a ticket. Well I could, it would just have been extra expensive. And all my sugar daddy runs didnt work out...DRATS!! Dah well, it's just as well.
So the Grown part: due to forced self analysis and a looking glass event of sorts, I was able to see myself in someone through my eyes...confusing I know. Anyways..I'm not saying the story but I owe a huge apology to my dear dear friend who claims that I'm psycho because sometimes, I get pissed at her for no apparent reason. So pele...I apologize and I will try to be less psycho. Once the psycho had been analyzed, I realized why I used to do what I used to do. This is where the grown part comes in...In relationships, I was privy to several bouts of psycho...but now I know that if and when I decide to get into another relationship...i will most likely not ever go psycho again or at least reduce the amount of psychos...or only have warranted psycho attacks...sigh, I feel grown just writing it.
Sexy: so after the incident that lead to the growth, i decided that I would take my self shopping...for a fraction of the cost for my trip to home. Retail therapy is sooo fracking good. I bought a couple of jackets, and a couple of jeans, and a shirt. And then today, I got some wool pants, they are scratchy but i love them. And a hobo bag...cuz every girl just gots to have them these days don't they? And a tank top. I'm done...then i got some ice cream and some malt. Mmm mmm good!
Ok first of all, I have all rights and claims to Wentworth Miller! I don't care what anyone says...I know i'm the only one that saw the Human Stain...so I discovered him. To this end, I feel that because we have a longer standing chemistry than Prison Break groupies, we are better suited to be together. I hope that I have been able to convince you, and not confuse you that doctors and better than lawyers...thank you! Debate flashbacks sorry... Wentworth Miller is MINE...he was hanging in the gap store and starring after me with those Mona Lisa eyes...you know the one that follows you everywhere you go. Sending shivers down my spine. Naturally I had to walk by the gap store several times. The last time, I went into the store and asked if i could have the poster after they were done with their "Sexy men who belong to me campaign"!! Yes I did it, and I do not shop at Gap so I don't care. Plus it's downstairs at the mall. I just can never pass there again. N E ways, me and wentworth flirting caused me to forget where I parked for like a good two minutes... *shivers*, the boy dikwa very delicious!!
So the Grown part: due to forced self analysis and a looking glass event of sorts, I was able to see myself in someone through my eyes...confusing I know. Anyways..I'm not saying the story but I owe a huge apology to my dear dear friend who claims that I'm psycho because sometimes, I get pissed at her for no apparent reason. So pele...I apologize and I will try to be less psycho. Once the psycho had been analyzed, I realized why I used to do what I used to do. This is where the grown part comes in...In relationships, I was privy to several bouts of psycho...but now I know that if and when I decide to get into another relationship...i will most likely not ever go psycho again or at least reduce the amount of psychos...or only have warranted psycho attacks...sigh, I feel grown just writing it.
Sexy: so after the incident that lead to the growth, i decided that I would take my self shopping...for a fraction of the cost for my trip to home. Retail therapy is sooo fracking good. I bought a couple of jackets, and a couple of jeans, and a shirt. And then today, I got some wool pants, they are scratchy but i love them. And a hobo bag...cuz every girl just gots to have them these days don't they? And a tank top. I'm done...then i got some ice cream and some malt. Mmm mmm good!
Ok first of all, I have all rights and claims to Wentworth Miller! I don't care what anyone says...I know i'm the only one that saw the Human Stain...so I discovered him. To this end, I feel that because we have a longer standing chemistry than Prison Break groupies, we are better suited to be together. I hope that I have been able to convince you, and not confuse you that doctors and better than lawyers...thank you! Debate flashbacks sorry... Wentworth Miller is MINE...he was hanging in the gap store and starring after me with those Mona Lisa eyes...you know the one that follows you everywhere you go. Sending shivers down my spine. Naturally I had to walk by the gap store several times. The last time, I went into the store and asked if i could have the poster after they were done with their "Sexy men who belong to me campaign"!! Yes I did it, and I do not shop at Gap so I don't care. Plus it's downstairs at the mall. I just can never pass there again. N E ways, me and wentworth flirting caused me to forget where I parked for like a good two minutes... *shivers*, the boy dikwa very delicious!!
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