Twenty Questions For my past...pt.1

20.Why shouldn't I hate you?
19.What do you take me for?
18.What were/are you afraid of?
17.Why arent you afraid that hurting me will bring bad things your way?
16.Why should I wish good things for you in the future?
15.Why do you think we can be friends?
14.Why her..and her..and her?
13.Why did I not see it coming?
12.What did you do wrong?
11.What did I do wrong?
10.Was there someone else?
9. Why did you lie?
8. What more could we/I/you have done?
7. Why didn't you try harder?
6. Was it all just a game to you?
5. Did you ever take my feelings into consideration?
4. When did you decide it was over?
3. What if?
2. What did you really want?
1. Why not ME?

Untitled

So I'm in an utterly blah mood today. Dunno why in particular...i guess it's just one of those days..weeks...months.

I think maybe I should do a mid year analysis...but i didn't set any goals in particular except buy a house...and we all know how it's going.
I'm just feeling..tired today. Tired of everything. Maybe a little confused.
Trying to sort out my feelings...maybe, maybe not.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.

9 Crimes Lyrics

I'm tired of ppl wanting stuff from me...i have nothing to give.

Good Cry

Scratching the Surface....

I remember when you both came to pick me up from school and mommy was crying...sitting in the front seat. i went to the back and she came out to come to the back to sit next to me and you started moving the car before she was in completely...she had to quickly get in and slam the door. She showed me her lip...it was bleeding. from where you slapped her.
I remember when u slapped my sister because she said something to you about going to do laundry.
I remember when she picked up the phone in the middle of the night when u used to work the night shift and u didnt want to go to work. so they called and she picked up and then u had to go to work. but before u left, u came into her room and beat her while she was sleeping.
I remember when u slapped me because i didnt tell u we were going to the movies with uncle.
I remember waking up suddenly with my heart beating so fast i thot it would explode because I heard u guys arguing downstairs about one thing or the other.
I remember watching you take a running start to try and kick my mommy in her chest because the GAY organist wouldnt stop calling her, or hugging her in church. The church that you still go to.
I remember writing an angry letter to you guys because I was tired or living with all the fighting and I didnt think I could take it.
I remember my sister having to go to therapy because she couldn't handle it anymore
Regardless...
I remember that my sister is about to graduate from med. school. And my sister who swore she would never get married is getting married. And I'm learning to face down my demons and learning that I'm capable of giving and receiving love. And even when i get shot down, i keep trying. And my sister who had to live with you guys all alone while we were all in school seems to be adjusting well to adult life.
I remember that no matter how difficult things might have been/be, you would in an instant give everything. EVERYTHING for your family. And that makes me love you.
I remember that it kills me to write this but i have to get it all out so that i dont keep it in and have it cripple my mind so much that when it all hits me i crash and burn. cant crash and burn anymore.

But God....

My favorite things

Picture Post...
1. Music

2. Yummy Stuff

3. The smell of wet sand, concrete,food...

4. TV...absolutely Rocks

5.

6. My fam

Meme

1. Yourself: INTROVERTED
2. Your partner: SEXY
3. Your hair: SUFFERING
4. Your family: WEIRD
5. Your life: INTERESTING
6. Your favourite item: PHONE
7. Your dream last night: DONT REMEMBER BUT IT HAD COWORKERS IN IT..
8. Your favourite drink: MANGO LEMONADE AND COCONUT RUM...MY OWN CONCOCTION
9. Your dream car: MERCEDES..SOMN SOMN
10. The room you are in: WARM
11. Your ex: NO COMMENT
12. Your fear: FAILURE
13. What you want to be in 10 years: USEFUL
14. Who you hung out with last night: mOI
15. What you're not: AFRAID OF CHANGE
16. Muffins: CHOCOLATE CHIP
17: One of your wish list items: A HOUSE
18: Time: 8:51
19. The last thing you did: TV
20. What you are wearing: JAMMIES
21. Your favourite weather: WARM
22. Your favourite book: THE ALCHEMIST
23. The last thing you ate: CASHEW NUTS
24. Your life: CRAZY
25. Your mood: STRANGE
26. Your best friend: Pial made me put her name
27. What you're thinking about right now: WHAT TO EAT.
28. What you are doing at the moment: THIS
29. Your summer:WORK
30. Your relationship status: 5TH
31. What is on your TV: AI
32. What is the weather like: BEAUTIFUL
33. When was the last time you laughed: TODAY..

My visual Dexoyribonucleicacid

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