Saturday, August 29, 2009

My take on Loving and Being In Love…
In response to MPB’s confusion
…………I’ma preface this by saying that this is one of those rare long posts that I sometimes question publishing because I feel like it’s preachy and who am I? and I know I haven’t made any concessions about other people’s perspectives on the matter but I’m gonna anyways because it’s my blog and I can :). Forgive grammatical errors!


You can be in love with someone and love the person at the same time. There will be cake and ice cream days when you feel like your love makes you superhuman and you can do any and everything. But there will also be broccoli and spinach days when you feel like everything is going wrong and you wonder if you made the right decision because surely “this is not love…I know how I feel when I love someone..I’m happy and they make me happy and I smile and the sun is bright, flowers bloom and birds chirp”. Maybe those broccoli and spinach days are when the true test of love happens..and you either bear down, hold your nose, deaden your taste buds or put some seasoned salt on it and force it down. Because while it doesn’t taste as good..it’s probably better for you..shows you what you are good at..and what you need to work on..and it helps you grow and hopefully grow stronger together.


aside: Facebook is such a double edged sword…it allows people to give others a snapshot into their lives..especially people in relationships and married couples with their “this is the rib of my rib and the bone of my bone” and ”my life is now complete because Chidubem has put me first” notes, pictures and such..so that me I’m here going “FML ! I must be doing something wrong in my life..why is no one trying to claim me as their rib?”…and forgetting that snapshots don’t always tell the story of what reality is…and how much work people have put into themselves and their relationships in order to make it work.


I mean, where exactly is it written that loving someone and being in love with them are ALWAYS mutually exclusive? The whole “I’m in love with someone” feeling or maybe even just the realization of it à la Nice Anon..sometimes catches you unawares..sort of like being blindsided by an 18 wheeler. It crushes you..palms sweaty, shortness of breath, head rush, eyes unable to focus, lightheaded..it’s a very Eureka! moment. It’s even better when it’s reciprocated.


Falling in love is similar to the realization that you have fallen out of love with someone but it also includes nausea, disgust and extreme sadness, physical sickness..sometimes, the thought alone of having to face these horrible side effects makes most people stick it out to endure a long bitter life of regret, unhappiness and what ifs?.….some people don’t cheat at this stage..but some do; hoping to fill the emptiness that now resides inside after the eviction of love. Some people stay together for the kids..but even that love, while momentarily sustaining does not heal a decaying heart. There’s also denial..that sneaky little dirty thing!


Falling in love IS a choice..and so is falling out of love…they are both processes…not spontaneous but gradual..over time. If it is reciprocated, then maybe both parties can agree to work on it constantly so that they can STAY in love…regardless of how many broccoli and spinach days they encounter. I think that falling out love can be avoided if both are willing to do the work. And it is far easier to get a divorce, or break up than it is to do the work.


The only love that is constant and unfailing even at our most undeserving is God’s love for us.


Nerd epilogue: I spent the whole week being taught about how mathematics explains why physics is the basis of every process that occurs in chemistry and how chemical processes are what take place in biology..biology being the science of life. Eventhough they’ve figured all this out..and made up their laws..and all processes obey these laws, at no time did anyone explain to me how the same chemistry and biology that are responsible for putting cells together to form organs like the eyes that have the same function in all creatures with eyes..are responsible for putting together the brain which while it has the same function…almost always yields different personalities in billions of different people. Lol @ ppl always trying to explain away God..yet with every class all I am is progressively filled with awe at what MY GOD can do!

19 comments:

Nice Anon said...

LOL @ calling me out. Leave me jor

TayneMent said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kate said...

Nicey..lol..you had sweaty palms? :D

@taynment...who knew indeed!

uNWrItten* said...

i like this a lot girl...wia haf u been and all this physics sturvs.u be efiko oo lol

RocNaija said...

Very well thought through post..

Original Mgbeke said...

Intaresting post. The love thing is always greek to me. Maybe one day, if I make that choice I will think of this post, smack my head and say 'aha! Kate was right'. lol

Tori said...

lol, I think I have been inspired to do my own take on it. I need time to think about it tho, but Im not sure I agree that falling in love is conscious.

MPB said...

OOOh kate this was a really gd post. I felt abnormal cos my feelings seem to fluctuate...and you made me feel better.

MPB said...

Tori, something tells me you would identify with the author's version of love with Jake:

Excerpt from a novel i read:
Loving my ex-boyfriend Zack was, i think, looking back, a decision. He was handsome, funny, he displayed the characteristics most women found desirable in a mate. I liked him. He was close to my family. I decided to be in love with him, to form a relationship with him. It was a good idea, praised by many. Falling in love with Jake, though, was just that...falling. There was no choice involved. It rushed through me in a white-water current, and if I'd tried to fight it, I might have drowned.

TayneMent said...

On the real, I really think falling in love means different things to different people. Same way everyone's path or experiences are different, same way love can be defined in many ways. For now, I still think its a conscious decision but ask me again when i actually fall in this overhyped love sef

Kate said...

Um..wow.. thanks y'all
@Roc..thanks..i'm auditioning to guest spot on ya blog :)
@Unwritten...thanks o. i'm not an efiko at all o..just maybe a lil nerdy :)
@Mgbeks...you know you should definitely let me know it i was right..this is all just theoretical.
@Tori...WRITE WRITE WRITE!!
@MPB..lol..you're welcome..but you ARE abnormal tho! :p...I need to think about that Zack and Jake comparison a bit..
@Taynement

Kate said...

@Taynement...we wont even have to ask

Tori said...

Done!

SEPTEMBER said...

First time here, I love this post.

QMoney said...

I tend to think love is a mystery,no one can really understand it fully
God is a super mystery for sure,no one can explain him TOTALLY....

**OnYxStA** said...

Agree with Q Money! WHen u start getting the hang of it...its like Love comes and is like "erm, not so fast mate" lol

http://say-bleurgh.blogspot.com/

Nice Anon said...

My fellow music head and Jigga lover can you please listen to "hate" feat Kanye and " off that" feat Drake and tell me wetin you "fink" lol

I see two hot singles in the making if you ask me!

Kate said...

@ Qmoney and Onyxsta..i feel y'alls.

@Nicey..um..will do.. i haven't listened to Yori Yori that i've been promising but i'll get around to this :D

Myne Whitman said...

First time here, I love this post. I have added you, hope you'll come to mine too.