Wednesday, November 11, 2009

You Just Know

I have had numerous conversations with friends and family about this whole "you just know stuff" that married ppl be saying after they get married or when they are engaged.

It's almost like marriage is some exclusive cult that brainwashes ppl into that mindset of "we didn't go through any drama, when our eyes met across the crowded room, time stopped, the heavens opened up and we JUST knew that we were meant for each other".

No offense to my married ppl..and I'm sure that there are ppl out there who knew from day 1 and are still happily ever aftering but some "Just Knewers" have to account for the 50% divorce rate in this country and the growing divorce rate in Nigeria..abi?

It actually sort of insults my intelligence when people say that but i think maybe it's that same protein that makes mothers forget what they go through for 9 months and during labor so that they can keep reproducing that makes married couples forget all the fights/make ups and break ups and drama that paved their road to happily ever after.

So here is my take..once again not backed by any proof (as per the brainwashing thing) but feel free non-married and married ppl to throw in your 2 cents..tell me if I'm just bsing. :)

FIRST OF ALL!!! YOU DON'T JUST KNOW...you know ENOUGH
....you know enough to want to stick around and find out where things may lead
....you know enough about yourself to know if the relationship is what you want and the flaws are what you can handle
....you know enough about your partner to know that hopefully, they feel the same way too
....you know enough (if you are spiritual/religious)to know that God definitely has to be involved for it to work
....you know enough to accept that it won't always be cake and cookies but are willing to stick it through the hard times and work things out
....you know enough to know when what you know is not enough..

This is why I believe there is no set TIME to get married, societal pressure and sales rack propaganda be damned. Because if you know that you don't know enough and you too you go jump the broom, better make sure you are spiritual because only God will see you through that relationship...and it just might work.

So why then you ask is this "You just know" idea still being propagated?
Maybe it makes ppl feel better/more certain about their choice..it's a big choice and self-affirmation has been shown to work wonders...who knows.
My prayer for everyone is that they don't "Just Know"...they know "Enough". Just knowing could someday lead to not knowing while knowing enough concedes that you don't know everything.
I know enough to know that I don't know everything and I never will but I think as I've grown up and come to accept this fact,I'm content enough with my lack of knowledge to know when i know enough.

Again no offense to my married ppl o. I love you guys and you serve as huge sources of inspiration for the likes of me!! :)
I was gonna post this on FB..but em..fear con catch me small as i reread am!! Not trynna incur anyone's wrath for speaking my mind albeit Obama 'O8 and junk!! Freedom of speech or no! :)

ps. I was reading RepOne's post about soulmates and I had a response but then i forgot it... let me unclutter my brain from all this learning crap and then it's on and popping!

pps: y'all know the deal...prayers for ya girl tomorrow 2-5pm..it's worked so far, surely it must continue to work! Amen 'Preciates!

ppps: try pink lemonade plus fruit punch plus mountain dew in equal quantities with a hint of ice...magical!!

pppps: Hi Tayney!!!:)

13 comments:

TayneMent said...

Hi my luv. I miss you small.

Seeing as I don't know anything about this love thing, I go just say my own. While I can appreciate what you are saying, I don't doubt that there are some people who "just know". Granted they say they "just know" because things are fine and working well but if things go kaput, I guess they didn't know afterall or is it better to say "At the time, I just knew"..I dunno, but I do know everyone's journey is different. We had this discussion not too long ago when MPB's dad told us how he just knew his wife was the one and another friend brought up the point that it seems that the "just know" seems 90% accurate for men. Women have a number of just knows but when a man has a just know for the most part it comes to fruition. Does that lead to the other topic of your husband having to love more than wife?

all these questions, no answers. This might be my longest comment ever lol.

Myne Whitman said...

Me I didn't just know oo and I never tell anyone that. Like Taynement said, for some people that was their truth, what do you want them to say then? Me I either tell the short story, or the long story. It depends on who's asking.

The truth is that we dated for only about a year and had only one ISSUE. It was resolved and then full speed ahead. I won't now go and manufacture stuff to compare with people that dated for 10 years.

Like the baby thing, most people who say it never hurt are those not close to you. My close peeps gave me the gory details. LOL. Same way good friends will tell you their real marriage story.

Anonymous said...

Don't hate Darling, Appreciate before you depreciate and pop a vein... Everyone is different. Focus on your own story and leave those of us who knew from day one. I could also say ppl who need 5 yrs are slow or dumb. Why would it take you 5yrs to know what you like or don't like? but I know everyone's story is different and I respect that.

When the time is right, if you meet the person, "you just know". You can tag "enough" to the end if you want.

Word of advice, don't let your doubt let you miss your own. Awon over analyzers. Breathe and Know!

Repressed One said...

Anon- odikwa mma?/Se kosi?

All these things sef...it's easy to tell a story after you have lived it. Those that 'just know' say so cos they are currently living it. I do, however, believe that there are people who 'just know' as a result of a direct order from God.

The realist in me likes your take on knowing enough. At the end of the day it's a choice we all make and live with.

Kate said...

@Tayney...miss you too...well there you have it..everybody's journey IS different..i agree.
@Myne...you know come to think of it you are right o..closer friends tell you the deep deep details. Thanks for sharing your story!!
@Anonymous...LMBAO!! talk about popping a vein! Sheesh. Thanks for visiting, inquiring about my health and for the advice.
@RepOne... Seen and agreeing!! :)

Nice Anon said...

I agree with some of the points you've made here. I think you just know stems from the " i know enough" to want to commit for a lifetime. It is really the same thing when you think about it.
Sometimes it isn't always that glaring as you may not be thinking about him/her as a potential mate. You know that sort of thing.

TayneMent said...

Anon is right, the difference between just knowing and just knowing enough is that for some its a clear message and for others they had to work through stuff.

Fabulo-la said...

Hmmmmmmm


*looks around for more commenters..*

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Fabulo-la said...

Me too I am dying to know the diff. Knowing enough abi just knowing...its all grammar as far as Im concerned..lol

Ms. 'dufa said...

I agree with "just knowing enough"...makes more sense. "just knowing" sounds like magic

TayneMent said...

lol@ sounds like magic

Kate said...

@Nicey..lol, i agree sha. i wasjust putting my thoughts out there!
@Fablola...troublemaker!lol apparently it's not o!ppl pop veins!!
@Ms.'dufa: LMAO @ magic..thank you my like-minded sister. But let's both just agree it's the same thing before we cause wahala.

Harry-Rami Itie said...

So first I will like to say that you got this right..It is like ur on point...I think the 'you just know' line is an overused line in Christianese...