So...right or wrong..I am adamant about not complaining or making excuses about things that happen in my life.
Dunno why, I usually just always try to deal because excuses are like armpits and I can usually rationalize my thinking to the point where it's like..."well if you did what you were supposed to do, or made the right decision or whatever..you wouldn't be in the position you're in"
I'm at a place in my space where I feel like slightly utterly confused about a lot of things. And I can't blame it on hormones for once...or steroids.
And I'm like seriously...shouldn't all this uncertainty have gone away with my early twenties?...argh!
I think it's gotten to the point when I can't even be completely honest with myself about how i really feel sometimes.
Or I don't allow myself to acknowledge how I feel because logically, I shouldn't feel how I feel...hmmpfh.
One of my friend's status on fb was "if God seems far away...who moved?" and I understand that. I feel closest to God when I wake up in the morning because I wake up to 15 minutes of Robert Cook and his soothing voice talking about God and stuff...that man was truly amazing. And then I have my little devotional. But then over the course of the day...just simply interacting with people I just get so caught up in the daily bs and I lose sight of how i'm supposed to be living and can't see beyond what annoys me.
I'm pretty frustrated because I have a lot on my mind and I need to study but I can't because my mind is just a jumbled up place.
I'm upset but I can't fully vent...this is why blogs go private
So many decisions that apparently have to be made like now!
Gimme a break!
sometimes i consider being a shut-in. Just leaving the world and all it's problems out there. But that's not socially acceptable.
And I feel like it's nearing the end of it all..and that sucks.
Here comes the guilt...the you and yours are healthy and blessed beyond measure and you should be content so stop whining! and Get to work guilt!
I miss being 16 and being allowed to be mad at the world.
And I feel like noone understands
No change I can't change I can't change I can't change...but i'm here in my mold...i am here in my mold..but i'm a million different people from one day to the next..
NO I DONT KNOW EVERYTHING WILL BE OK AND I DONT KNOW EVERYTHING WILL WORK ITSELF OUT I JUST WANT TO WHINE AND COMPLAIN AND BROOD AND POUT AND FEEL WHAT I FEEL WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY FOR FEELING THE WAY I FEEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But that's not constructive and that doesn't solve anything so i can't :(
But Robert Cook says.."if you've struck a rough day look up and say 'Lord Jesus..see me through this'"...so LORD JESUS SEE ME THROUGH THIS!!