Totally Non-Random Randomness

Sometimes, I wish I had more of a life
Or was more intriguing/interesting
Or was less shy
Or was more able to go out and make friends easily

Other times, I like the way I am
I like people watching
And coming up with worst case scenarios in my head
I guess that's my way of preparing myself for the worst

For the first time in a loong time, I remembered my dream last night, still do
Something about my dad coming to visit me and then us going to see a broadway show..weird!
I can't decide if I made myself dream it or if it was a natural dream
When I have nightmares, I usually tell myself it's a nightmare and i wake up..completely forgetting what the nightmare is about.
I still often have that falling dream, I'm trying to control that dream too by stopping the events that lead to the fall so I dont.
Am I a control freak?

I don't like meeting new ppl, terrified silly especially about this vegas trip
I know it's going to be fun because not everyone is entirely new but still

I tend to over think stuff..always to the point of exhaustion but when i decide to not think about it, it Miraculously works itself out either for better or worse
And then I tell myself that I should not even go thru the stress of overthinking
But next time, I do...go figure

I just realized that my parents are no spring chickens and for the first time, I didn't have a mini panic attack.
I find that weird and almost disturbing

I've been looking for a particular song on my CD for like 2 years now...too lazy to listen to all songs thru to find it...it is very upsetting!