Thursday, November 16, 2006

HWNSNBM(part 2)

I'm so sure that i'm leaving stuff out,"Blame it on amnesia!" (what ever happened to Milli Vanilli?). I mean so wat if they lip synced? It's all good, i still love them.
Anyways back to HWNSNBM. So he left and we've spoken/emailed/texted ocassionally. Right before graduation, I went by my old job and was talking to my coworkers...two guys and a very crazy girl. And i told them about it and they were like, i think you should tell him...and i'm like nah. They were like "you can't live your life looking back and regretting not doing something". I'm like "well, he's not here anymore and it's crazy expensivve to call". They were like "send him a text". I'm like "shoo...i'd rather be over and done with this and move on with my life knowing that the ball is no longer in my court". So i sent a text
"I just wanted to tell you that I liked you for a really long time. I'm not telling you so that something can come of it, i'm just saying it to get it out and over with"
Five hours or so later, he replied the text. I was so scared to read it but i did.
HWNSNBM:"I wish we weren't so far apart"
Me:"would that have changed anything"
And i think that was it...

I've seen him once after and I was just a mess of emotions maybe it's that whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder". We email, sometimes chat. I've called, he called. I feel like I've grown past it but I don't think I'll BE past it till we talk about it and I say what i have to say. Maybe
I just want to let you know that you unintentionally broke my heart. Not into a million pieces, but you broke off a piece and you took it with you. And everytime I see,hear from or think about you, I miss that piece. Why I haven't reclaimed that piece anymore I don't know, maybe I can't but I know from past experience that not having that piece doesn't make me incapable of fully loving another.
At this point if i could go back, I wouldn't change a thing. Maybe that would have saved me some tears, but maybe that would have made me hate you. Maybe I would have been able to move on quicker. But I know i learnt from the very least that regardless of how emotionally stunted i thot i was, or how much i tricked myself into thinking that I could never fully open myself up to loving someone completely. You proved me way wrong. I think realizing that has helped me come a long way. So I guess this should be thank you.

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