Sunday, November 26, 2006

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

Hi blog world. I feel increasingly boring especially reading other blogs from ppl with much more interesting lives. So i woke up this morning, feeling better, starving but better. Am still starving now actually. I dids some grocery shopping..woke up too late for church, but I'll go to core this evening.
So I was talking to a friend yesterday and we were talking about road trips and I was like
"I don't think I would like to go on a long road trip because I cant stand being around ppl for too long".
Him: "Man, you amaze me!"
Me: "lol, why?"
Him:"you like scarred"
Me:"why you say that?"
Him: "the things you say, something must have happened to you when you were younger"
Me: I dunno, I don't think I'm scarred

So, that got me conjunction with the multitude of things I keep buried in my brain, what could have happened to me growing up that I don't remember but has shaped my personality so much so that it's visible to people that i talk to but not to me?

Am about to overshare, cause I'm really trying to get some stuff that i myself just recently remembered hoping that if i get it all down it'll no longer be inside of me threatening the life it belongs to (i stole that from Anna Nalick by the way).

Episode 1:
I barely remember this, sometimes I think it didn't even happen, but because I remember the details so clearly especially being so young, it had to have happened.
We used to live in adjoining houses next to my godmother and her kids and i think my older sisters used to have lessons with her kids...but i was too young. One day, i remember being in the room with their cousin Tokunbo, I don't know why, I prolly followed him in there out of boredom but the next thing I remember was him trying to get me to ...touch him. That's all i remember, I hope I didn't and I hope I ran out. Stupid pedophile!

Episode 2:
I was much older maybe 11, I remember our land lady used to keep the gate locked. I have no idea why i went to open the gate for some strange dude that I remember seeing around our farm and at the well who constantly propositioned me and kept asking me to come to his house for only God knows what. Anyways, i went to open the gate and this man actually had the audacity to reach out and grab one of my none existent wat the heck? Do we have laws against child abuse in Nigeria? Are they enforced? Because I mean I knew it was wrong but it was only until i got here that i figured it was illegal...curses to that fool!

I really don't think these incidents have done much to affect the way i interact with ppl much less guys. I was just a bit freaked out, plus that makes me a statistic. I think once I was aware of it, it just makes me more aware and more empathetic towards ppl that have been, in most cases way worse than me.

I'm not necessarily welcoming back bad memories, I think that they stay buried for a reason and all i can do is hope and pray that they really don't have a significant effect on who I am or who I'm meant to be. After all, God is in control abi? So nothing spoil.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

well I think it also has to do with what you have observed from others, not just your own personal experinces, so you know, it is the sum total of all our experiences and what our brain choses to hold on to.