I remember when my life could be describe by a song on Matchbox Twenty's "Mad Season" . Those days when i never thought i'd make it. College was hard. Not as bad as high school. I cant find my high school journal :(. But i found my college one..and i was reminscing...let me see if i can find a good throwback joint!
September 3rd,2003
The hardest thing for me to do, my downfall HUMILITY..I guess I have to work on that but for someone to think that i should feel privileged to have them as my friend is really hard to swallow. I guess in some cases, i do that too. I feel like the friend that has to beg to be included in everything. I mean there has to be one in every group. I just didnt imagine it would be me. Friend, that's a funny work. How do loners cope? I forget, I mean, I wish I could do it and I probably could. I'll try it this week maybe. When your friends make you feel liek crap, what do you do? Get new ones. But it's so hard for me, especially when my friends are the ones causing me grief. I meant to say it's hard for me to make new friends. And you thingk you're the only on that gets hurt right? Not knowing you hurt me more. But what can you do? I mean i cant be anyone but me and neither can you. I should first start by saying tht I feel extremely stupid for this. But when i heard that we were going skating with them Abimbola, I perked up. Big mistake because i usually set myself up for a huge, huge disappointment. I should know better, really...I mean you cant be anyone else no matter how much I would like you to be. Yet i remain the hopeless optimist i am. Dreamer! I guess I'm slowly realizing this and slowly letting go so I'm going thru withdrawal. IT SUCKS. YEsterday was typical of my life. Usual disappointments all round. You would think i'm the most depressed person on earth right?
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