My take on Loving and Being In Love…
In response to MPB’s confusion
…………I’ma preface this by saying that this is one of those rare long posts that I sometimes question publishing because I feel like it’s preachy and who am I? and I know I haven’t made any concessions about other people’s perspectives on the matter but I’m gonna anyways because it’s my blog and I can :). Forgive grammatical errors!


You can be in love with someone and love the person at the same time. There will be cake and ice cream days when you feel like your love makes you superhuman and you can do any and everything. But there will also be broccoli and spinach days when you feel like everything is going wrong and you wonder if you made the right decision because surely “this is not love…I know how I feel when I love someone..I’m happy and they make me happy and I smile and the sun is bright, flowers bloom and birds chirp”. Maybe those broccoli and spinach days are when the true test of love happens..and you either bear down, hold your nose, deaden your taste buds or put some seasoned salt on it and force it down. Because while it doesn’t taste as good..it’s probably better for you..shows you what you are good at..and what you need to work on..and it helps you grow and hopefully grow stronger together.

aside: Facebook is such a double edged sword…it allows people to give others a snapshot into their lives..especially people in relationships and married couples with their “this is the rib of my rib and the bone of my bone” and ”my life is now complete because Chidubem has put me first” notes, pictures and such..so that me I’m here going “FML ! I must be doing something wrong in my life..why is no one trying to claim me as their rib?”…and forgetting that snapshots don’t always tell the story of what reality is…and how much work people have put into themselves and their relationships in order to make it work.

I mean, where exactly is it written that loving someone and being in love with them are ALWAYS mutually exclusive? The whole “I’m in love with someone” feeling or maybe even just the realization of it à la Nice Anon..sometimes catches you unawares..sort of like being blindsided by an 18 wheeler. It crushes you..palms sweaty, shortness of breath, head rush, eyes unable to focus, lightheaded..it’s a very Eureka! moment. It’s even better when it’s reciprocated.


Falling in love is similar to the realization that you have fallen out of love with someone but it also includes nausea, disgust and extreme sadness, physical sickness..sometimes, the thought alone of having to face these horrible side effects makes most people stick it out to endure a long bitter life of regret, unhappiness and what ifs?.….some people don’t cheat at this stage..but some do; hoping to fill the emptiness that now resides inside after the eviction of love. Some people stay together for the kids..but even that love, while momentarily sustaining does not heal a decaying heart. There’s also denial..that sneaky little dirty thing!


Falling in love IS a choice..and so is falling out of love…they are both processes…not spontaneous but gradual..over time. If it is reciprocated, then maybe both parties can agree to work on it constantly so that they can STAY in love…regardless of how many broccoli and spinach days they encounter. I think that falling out love can be avoided if both are willing to do the work. And it is far easier to get a divorce, or break up than it is to do the work.


The only love that is constant and unfailing even at our most undeserving is God’s love for us.


Nerd epilogue: I spent the whole week being taught about how mathematics explains why physics is the basis of every process that occurs in chemistry and how chemical processes are what take place in biology..biology being the science of life. Eventhough they’ve figured all this out..and made up their laws..and all processes obey these laws, at no time did anyone explain to me how the same chemistry and biology that are responsible for putting cells together to form organs like the eyes that have the same function in all creatures with eyes..are responsible for putting together the brain which while it has the same function…almost always yields different personalities in billions of different people. Lol @ ppl always trying to explain away God..yet with every class all I am is progressively filled with awe at what MY GOD can do!

Music makes me lose control

I'm totally just bumming it...doing absolutely nothing and enjoying the crap out of it...


Jamming to my -badly-in-need-of-an-update-ipod. Men music is soo awesome!! D'y'all ever focus on certain parts of a song and play it over and over again cuz it's just sooo...touching? Not necessarily deep...sometimes it's cuz of the words..other times it's cuz of the artist's voice/delivery..for example

"I am a fighter..i ain't gon stop..there is no turning back..i've had enough!"--Christina Aguilera's "fighter"...am i the only one that develops just the most arrogant lil walk when i'm listening to this song? Yea..probably :) LMAO...ppl that see me probably be thinking..wtf is wrong with this chick?


"..are you waiting for a special occasion

to give me your heart

cuz i need a little confirmation

to make a real start!!...don't wait till it's too late"

....that's from Fefe Dobson "everything"


or

"...i have lost the dignity i had before

trying to pleeeeaassee everybody"--Lucky Dube "slave"..sad stuff..


or


"...it's a little too late for you to come back

say it's just a mistake think i'd forgive like that

if you thought i would wait for you..you thought wrong.."--Beyonce "if i were a boy"


or


"It's ooooooooover..it's ooooover...it's ovverr this time..it's ooooooover...it's oooooovvverrr"--Jesse McCCartney "it's over" as in how many times do I have to say it's over


and for the chops/delivery


Lady Gaga.."Just Dance" ...3:48-3:56 in the video on youtube..it's not overly showy or christina aguilera-ry but something about when she's screaming "Baybay....BAY....BAY..e..yeah!!" just makes me rewind that part over and over again


Jojo..."Too little too lat"..2:40 to 3:00..the song where she goes.."Yeeahhh...OH Lord (i think she says oh lord)...yeaahh yeah yeah yeah...wooo!..laaaayaaeete....yeah yeah...you just like the chase baybay!"

Sometimes...it's not even singing..it's rapping...One of my favorite rappers is Bun B..i think it's just a combination of his voice, how he delivers it and what he's saying... Personally..i think he upstaged Jay-Z on big pimping..then again i'm probably biased..

There's probably a lot more..but that's all i can think of..plus i'm getting distracted by the shuffle.. anyone out there care to share their favorite lyrics/delivery?

Open Letter Version 2.0

Dear DirectTV...
Everyday is for the thief and one day is for the owner. I own you son!!! Haha...um..my bad i got carried away. Anyway..see me see trouble o, I signed up for directv when i moved to a new place because they were offering lots of orisirisi...6 months of HBO, 3 months of showtime, $200 jetblue gift card, DVR..all for a pretty good deal..or so i thought. All i had to do was sign up for 1 year of service right? So why after my 1 year contract was up did i try to cancel only to find out that while my service contract was for 1 year..the contract with a DVR is 2 years?
Chineke! I'm stuck..to cancel is $280 and i refuse to pay that on principle..I was duped! hoodwinked! Bamboozled! NO FAIR.
Sooo..i called my new place and asked if i was allowed to have a dish and they said no...it's a safety hazard. So what did i do? I called Directv and scheduled a free move..with 3 months of showtime and starz included!
Ol' installation dude shows up and is not allowed to set up..so he calls me
Ol' : hi, you know you're not allowed to have directv in this apartment right?
Me: Huh? No..what do you mean? I can't talk right now..i'm moving!
Ol':well you need to call directv blah blah blah
Me: I can't talk right now..have them call me
So they call me and I pretty much play dumb again.

This story is getting long sha...basic gist..i call them back two days later..they finally agree that there's no "line of sight" so even if i wanted to get dish..i can't. Through no fault of my own.:innocent face:.so my contract has to be cancelled and I dont have to pay no stinking $280. Boooyah!!

Dear Houston,TX.
Why you gotta be so damn hot? From the moment i stepped off the plane..all i wanted was a strawberry slush and a cold cold shower!! WHY? JUST FREAKING WHY? NO air!! Men...however...I did/am having a fabulous time chilling with the neph! he is the cutest thing since ever..he used to have a fauxhawk but he cut it all off now he has this grown man look to him. He's soooo smart too..and he has rhythm.

Dear *bad* lacefront wig houston,tx wearers..(emphasis on bad because not all of them are bad),
Yes..nobody died and made me fashion god...me sef i'm a fashion victim most of the time but damn!! I mean if you're going to have that thing on your head...at least put some effort into making it look..i'm not even going to say real..because..c'mon.. PRESENTABLE. I just weak! Take a class..do something! PLEASE...AND THANK YOU!. Then again..it's probably just me being a weirdo..so carry on.

Dear fake ass mothersuckers in houston,tx..,
you know yourself and i wish i could expose your multiple wife having, system duping, every opportunity to lick ass having selves because i have absolutely zero respect for you. Ppl that you'd never see or associate with all of a sudden showing up at your house because they want to be seen/rub elbows with "influential" ppl..and you are eating the food i lovingly prepared for family and friends..c'mon TA! gbafuo ndi nzuzu!

Um....I've been so out of the blog world loop..i will try to make my rounds when i return back to the real world.

Deuces!

Up..Up..and Awake!

Urrgghh! don't you just hate when you take long naps during the day and end up waking up at like 9pm and not being able to go back to sleep? Suckity sucks sucks! Thank God it's saturday sha..cuz this wouldn't fly tomorrow o!
So..what does one do when they can't go to sleep? Why blog of course... what to blog about..hmmmnn..*obviously my lazy ass didn't finish this blog till just now..God please help me and my procrastinating ways!7/27*
On the NaS and Kelis thing...BUAHAHAHA...you know..i find it hard to feel sorry for NaS. I mean it's not like Kelis is some gold digging moocher..she actually had a career. But she's never come off as the most stable person ever. Everything could've probably been settled all nicely out of court..maybe he wouldn't have had to end up paying this crazy $55k or whatever..but nooooo!! ppl be doing stronghead..oya now..go pay! You sef you didnt know who you married. Shebi you are God's son..hope you still talk to Him because uh...you're gon need some help with that buddy! *don't know the full story/ details*
So now dudes are getting all upset and crying foul and unfair...DING!DING!DING! fools! since when has the justice system ever been fair talk less of life? :hahaha: PAY SUCKER PAY!!!

On Ryan Gosling..has anyone else noticed how swaggerliciously sexy his walk is? That boy is just all kinds of sexy..in every single movie!..Yum-o! Rachel McAdams is a hottie too! I covet her body. YES i'm watching The Notebook for the 6th time..it's on tv. It's not one of those movies i can watch over and over again..i just watch it cuz the sex scene was hot. :blush:..don't side eye me!! Old age sha...James Garner used to be a hottie back in the day...not as hot as my Paul Newman tho..but aight none the less.

On Marriage..so my buddy just got engaged. Young boy like this! I'm happy for them. So you know how when ppl get engaged you ask them "How did you know she was the one?"..but as per my dude..I've seen and heard all about his conquests and although I've never met her...there's obviously something about her that got him. Is he a different person or has he changed? Nah..i dont think so. I don't think he's settling down because of age or whatever..I think he finally realizes that he's found his better half..abi soulmate so why wait? cute stuff huh?

On Black in America Deux..i totally didnt watch it! *hangs head in shame* but i'm sure i'll catch it sooner or later. But i read (read: skimmed)..an article by Africangal on CNN reporters at large..I think. Where she talked about her experiences and how she feels more comfortable around Africans than African Americans. Ya know..i understood where she was coming from. For the longest time (read: till like last year)I really didn't associate much with African Americans mainly because I had really bad experiences with classmates in high school. And I can't honestly say that if i wasn't thrown into a situation where the only ppl my age in my hood were african american..I still wouldn't have any african american friends..it's funny because one day we were having a conversation..about something and i was adamant about not being called african american. My roommate was like
AA#1 : You're african american..our ancestors are from the same place
Me: Um..probably not..my ancestors never made it onto the boat
AA#1 and AA#2: give each other a look..
WHAT? it's true..obviously my ancestors never made it onto the boat.

It's just really interesting how different my two african american friends are sha..
AA#1 has natural hair, plans to get locks once she's established in her career..is all about black ppl..all their names in their family are apparently afrocentric..only dates black people..went to Spelman..refused to go see Jesus Christ Superstar with me because the guy portraying Judas was black..EVEN THOUGH IT WAS THE ORIGINAL guy that played JESUS that was playing JESUS AGAIN!! GOSH..i still dont get that.

AA#2 gets her biweekly blowouts and perms..is about ppl in general..has the whitest name ever..dates whoever..also went to a HBCU but she did that because she'd gone to all white schools all her life.

But I digress.... the point i was trying to make was "once bitten twice shy"..if i hadn't been put in this situation, I'd have probably never been close friends with any african americans based on my experiences in high school. But I'm glad I was because their friendships have been invaluable.

On my baby turning 1..I can't believe this..my sweetheart..my boojoogooboojoo! My lil nephew is turning one. He's so adorable and i'm upset that i don't get to spend enough time with him. I miss him all the time. I recycle because of him, I'm deeper into my research because of him..I would give my right arm, kidney, lungs, liver, heart..whatever for him. Happy Birthday Googoo!! This aunty right here loves you!!

F.I.V.E that spells 5..credit report.com baby :)

..shut up...that's how the song goes!!:)

5 things that I would like to do:
1. Take a vacay and do absolutely nothing..
2. Join a dance group..i be choreographing stuff in my head..but when i try it out..it never looks the same..prolly cuz i also envision me as Ciara doing the dances in my head..hmmm that could be the problem
3. Be actively involved in a church..not just sunday sunday medicine
4. Write a book...actually wrote one with my best friend like 14 years ago..geez! i'm old..
5. Visit Europe

5 things that I look forward to:
1. Dessert :D: I'm a chocolate junkie!
2. Summer blockbuster movies
3. Going home after work to watch "Bones": this is a new development
4. Starting a new adventure in a new city!!
5. The next 4.0-infinity years :)

5 things that I’d grab if my apartment caught fire:
1. I guess my cellphone..NO IT'S NOT A BLACKBERRY!! hmmpfff..
2. My laptop
3. My Passport
4. My ipod
5. My purse

5 random things about me:
1. I hate getting in the shower after ppl...ugh..it's all wet and stuff
2. I can usually memorize 85% of a song after hearing it once
3. I love moving..like the whole packing and unpacking process...
4. I'm the funniest person in my family..honest!! so much so that i usually have to copyright my jokes so that my sisters don't take credit for them when they are retelling them later on..they still usually do..monkeys!!
5. I love coming into work every morning...sometimes i dance in to work... :)


5 things that I’m wearing right now:
1. glasses
2. jeans
3. purple tank top
4. brown sweater
5. matching underwear (ha! take that taynement..elevate ya skivvies! )

Psycho-ness or Puppy love?

So..i've decided to type this whole story in pidgin because some ppl be doubting my skills... i also had two drinks soooo....woooohooooo i feel good!

Anway..so i get this intern..make we call am Blessing. Blessing na proper fine babe and her personality dey shine well well. So..for this summer, she con finish first semester for school early, con start 'in internship but she con be the only ghel wey dey work with plenty plenty intern bobos. So..una know say at this age (na 1st and 2nd year college most of the pikins bin dey finish) ..bobos them get hormones plenty. Con dey dey interested in this my intern because she tall well well, con slender like this..con get personality and i don talk before sey she be fine girl.

Everyday when we dey for work..na so bobos dey con find am..girl go dey sit jejely dey do 'in work na so bobos dey enter for my lab as if na market i dey..dey con disturb the girl..dey siddon dey watch am type. This don they hapun sotey..e get this one boy..make we call am Jason.. Jason be proper shy guy..I mean, the bobo fine and 'in play football for high school but 'in claim sey he no too get friend for high school. That tori sef dey do me one kind because everybody sabi sey football jock for high school dem famous and dem get plenty plenty groupies..i sha leave that side.

So Blessing con take it upon herself con say..make i befriend this boy because 'in want befriend boy make 'in get friends wey be boy but no be in boyfriend boyfriend like that (naive sontin like this!). Na so before you go fit shout jack robinson..bobo con develop feelings for the girl..con invite her to dey hangout. Blessing dey do like pesin wey dey brighteyed and bushytailed..con dey talk say "we're just friends..we can hangout" . Na so bobo take am for dinner..con say..make we go back to my place go watch moofie. Blessing no know sey dis na ambush. Bobo con introduce Blessing to all 'in family.

Make we fast forward two weeks..Blessing go vacation come back. Jason con ask am sey make she comeover so that 'in go make am dinner. At this point..she too con dey think sey bobo no bad..and we con dey hail the guy small small for 'in eye. So Blessing go the bobo house. Bobo con cook am dinner..con light candle..con give am wine (i don't condone underage drinking). After dinner, they con siddon for living room..con dey cuddle..bobo con talk say "Blessing..you be correct babe..everytime i see you my heart dey do me *giddygo-giddygo*..me i like you well well o..you fine, you smart, you get personality wey dey nice"... Blessing con give the guy kiss..

Na so katakata con burst...bobo wey dey enter my lab 3 times a day before now con dey enter 12 times con dey siddon dey do Blessing work. Meanwhile..Blessing come work tell us say she don 4cup because 'in make mistake when 'in kiss bobo. She talk say bobo dey smother am. So she text the bobo and 'in text talk say "I dey very sorry..I no mean give you wrong impression when i kiss you...na situation..make we no do boyfriend and girlfriend again..make we just try to remain friends"

Bobo con vexxxxxxx...con send her 17 texts while she dey work..dey talk say
"Blessing..you no fit understand wetin i dey feel, I bin tink say you care about me...me i care about you well well..but you con hurt my feelings..why you tink sey things no go work...abi you tink sey because you go leave after summer go school e no go fit work?"
"Baybe girl make you at least give am chance..it fit work..this ting wey we get dey very beautiful..i never feel this way about anoda girl before..wetin change between when we dey my house and i dey hold you as you dey look into my eyes and today? Why you dey do me like this?"
All this after one kiss and two dates in two weeks o!!
So the girl con respond con write"i dey very sorry..but i no want again..i just want make i focus on this internship we dey do then i go go back to school..you be nice boy..but i no do again..i just want to be friends"

Bobo no dey come our lab anymore..for one whole week, then yesterday na in bobo con send am email con talk say make them talk face to face..

Na in I come fear..because if after only 2 weeks the bobo dey act like this..me i think say this no be normal young boy thing..this na psycho stuvvs...if una talk say bobo don make shrine for this girl..con dey save strands of the girl hair dey use am chop 'in morning cereal me i go believe o!!
So we advice the girl say make she talk to the bobo..but make she talk to am in public. She con gree...

So today..they go talk for atrium..bobo con talk say in dey sorry for overreacting..that na because of the feelings wey he get for the girl na 'in cause am to behave like that. The girl con say.."it's alright..i dey sorry too..but maybe we suppose take some time before we go try to be friends sef"
the bobo con talk say 'in no like that but e go respect im wishes... but make 'in suggest that make them no just be friend..'in no want put label on the thing but 'in want for them to be more than friends.
Blessing con talk sey " i no dey do wishywashy stuvvs..na only definite stuvvs..and i only wan do definite just friendship with you".....
na so we see am o my people..
Me i talk sey this boy dey just a little bit too psycho...others dey talk say na puppy love. Wetin una think?

:D How was my pidgin?

See me see trouble o!

So in the summer of '05..i worked at a boy's and girls club summer camp with a bunch of bad ass kids.. I just found this ahem..email correspondence with one of my students...

Young Boywrote:Mrs. Kate i know you are 22 years old but you are very pretty and i know i am very young but age is not nothing but a number
Me: Mrs. would imply that i was married, which i'm not. Thanks for the compliment :) age aint nothing but a number but 16 is a really small number
Young Boywrote: so what you trying to say that i am very young i know that so how many times you going to throw that in my face. Ps.Where (s'posed to be we're) on the internet so i cant get in trouble for what i say on here so tell me what is on your mind.
Me: nothing is on my mind....um and yeah u can't get in trouble period....i can

see me see trouble..boy trynna make me look like a pedophile and ish!! I only got his email address because I offered to help them with any homework problems they might have... :o.

Anyhoo..just a random flashback
what's hood ppl?