Good~Bye

...to 2007
...to one I chose not to know
...to you
...to the good,bad and ugly year
...to old things
...to mistakes made
...to fear
...to old me :)
...to maybe next year
...to cheap chocolate..GODIVA all the way.
...to Frankie
...to all those we lost
...to not trying new things
...to non-single digit sizes YAY!
...to not taking advantage of my premium channels


more to come

Age of Innocence

I blog cause I must...
Today on TV...
When captain was still cute!!...

1 in 6

Before my actual entry was rudely interrupted by BestBuy.!!

I was having a conversation with a friend...online..at 4:30am..but whatever. He just returned from naija and claims that most of his friends are married. So i asked "Do you think naija guys here are less mature than those in nigeria with regards to settling down?"
His reply: definitely. I mean in nigeria you either make it or you don't, and you kinda know your fate so you might as well get married and procreate. However, here, ppl are too busy hustling, going to school etc to be worried about settling down...plus there's a 1 in 6 ratio of guys to girls...

OK..1 in 6 might be skewed, but let's work with that.

So while 1(girl)..is looking for her 1(guy)...she has to take into consideration that she is 1 of 5 girls that he does not want to and will not end up with... let's throw non-nigerians into the mix, thanks to america.
And naturally 1(guy) being a guy and wanting to have his cake and eat it too does not let 1(girl) know what he's really after...under the guise of a relationship. So for each 1 guy...if he isnt ready to settle down/serious/whatever...leaves at least 5(depending on the girls of course) in his wake...while not even seriously searching for his 1 ..because he is too busy hustling..etc.

So why do we...upward mobile, equally as brilliant, sassy,still connected to our roots...have to take all this all because we are looking for our 1? Totally unfair i tell ya.

Don't ask me...dont ask me why We(ok fine I) feel like I just absolutely have to find my 1 and he just absolutely has to be nigerian. But sometimes i feel like i'm restricting myself by not broadening my horizon past nigerians, because i feel like if there's no future, then what's the point.

Maybe i'm just bitter.

I think the solution is patience...as hard as it may seem...according to my horoscope..
"Aries: Instead of just waiting for happily ever after, focus on what makes you happy now. Live in the present."
So I've decided to focus on what makes me happy now..and i think finding what makes me happy is finding ways to make other pple happy. To this end...I have decided to dedicate 2008 to doing just that. Rediscovering myself and what makes me happy!

1 in 6...(with a dash of mini rant)

Ok...first of all...those fools at bestbuy dont want me to descend on their dumbasses!! I'm so freaking pissed..those bastards...
I jejely went to go buy an external hard drive because i'm constantly in fear of losing all my valuables on my computer. So i walked up to the cashier and:
StupidFoolofacashier(STFOAC): do you have a reward zone card?
LoyalBestBuyCustomer(ME): yes *proceeds to look for rewards zone card...while placing credit card on counter*
STFOAC:*swipe*
ME: i cant find my card..can you look it up by name?
STFOAC: I already swiped your card
ME: you asked if i had a reward zone card and i said yes...why didnt you wait
STFOAC: I didnt hear you, next time you should try to speak up *(I SHIT YOU NOT!)*
ME: Can't you void it and try again? *looking at him with a..'i'm slowly getting pissed and will rip your freaking heart out...stomp on it and feed it to you' look, that is obviously not yet universally recognized
Bold Ass STFOAC: No
ME: I need to speak to a manager RIGHT NOW!!!!
STFOAC: *rolls eyes and beckons gay ass manager (GAYASS)*
-------------------------- enter GAYASS---------------------------
GAYASS and STFOAC talk...low, but not low enough that i cant hear
I know have impeccable hearing but those bitches where talking low too...in a loud ass store.
Anyways
ME: this dude just told me he cant revoke this, he swiped my card without permission
GAYASS: well, he cant apply the reward zone after the card has been swiped.
ME: *thinking this dude is definitely deaf!* I just told you that he didnt it without my permission.
STFOAC: i didnt hear her say she had a reward zone card
ME: you know what..i don't want that external drive
GAYASS: does a return with an attitude...
ME: I dont know if you guys are having a bad day, but i'm the customer here and you are treating me like you're doing me a favor when in fact i'm part of the reason you have this $5/hr job
GAYASS and STFOAC: *blank stares*
ME: I have a zero balance, i need to close my account right now
GAYASS: you can go to customer service

so i did.... I'm so freaking done with those fools...luckily there's a circuit city close by. Their customer service is appaling...so i sent an email and complained.

Wow

Ok..i dunno who reads my blog
But it's my blog and i can say whatever the hell i want...
Looking at pictures on my friends facebook today..
i realize that it took me two years plus to say this..and i think..i might actually mean it.
"I AM OVER THE WHOLE NIFEMI DEBAUCLE"
Like..not in a i want to never see him again way,
But not in a I want us to be "friends" again way either.
Like in an LC "I want to forgive you and I want to forget you" kinda way.
It feels good!!
I mean I looked at a picture and I didnt have one single hate thought towards him!!
Now I hope i can get to that level with that FEMI fool and with HWNSNBM...just be civil and be done with 'em!!
WOW

In other news... HOME SWEET HOME SOON!!! Can't wait.

Um...

i forgot what i was about to say.
Oh yes...the 90's... I miss the 90's.
I miss felicity and dawson's creek and beverly hills 90210. I miss music....
I miss innocence...
freaking adulthood and old age!!

Tiredness...(twofer!)

So apparently, I have a clique..lol..
Me, my roomie, shelby, and michelle!!
We hung out yesterday sans michelle...went to the movies
I Am Legend was pretty good! so was The Golden Compass
Then we went shopping, and then we went to dinner and this billiards place afterwards..fun day, good distractions.

Anyway..we were talking about what else...life and relationships.
I've come to the realization that i'm tired of the in between.
I know i dont really get a say..God's time and what not..
But if my vocalization brings some sort of permanence to fruition then damn it i'm going to say it.
I just want to be done with the whole cat and mouse game
Want to find that one person and spend however long it takes building something lasting and forever.
Preferably someone equally as commited to making it work as I am to it.
No more mirages.
Not saying i'm ready to get married but i'm tired of the chase...it takes however long it takes i guess...

Almost doesnt count

I almost feel normal
Naturally still miss us-him
But
I was thinking and i didnt know what to believe
When you don't know what to believe--believe yourself.
Not kids..should be able to maintain an adult relationship
should be willing to put in the work and effort to make it work
cant do that alone
cant feel alone in it
cant lie
not cool

maybe i wanted too much too soon
should've been more patient
didn't know what to believe
or
refused to believe what was in front of me
distractions are strong

Cuteness..

Goals...Distractions...Self

It's only been three days but it feels like an eternity
Still a little hurt, more confused...more in doubt.
I dont know if I/We made the right decision.
But I believe that everything happens for a reason
And that things work out the way they're meant to.

I think i really need to focus on myself mentally,emotionally,physically and spiritually
But i'm finding it's really not that easy (no duh!)
Physically, my focus has been pretty good so far...can't wait to see actual results!
Mentally..as per work..i really need to get more knowledge and experience under my belt.
Emotionally..ok fine, right now emotionally i'm a wreck which is why i try to find other ways to distract myself...I can get through work...and thank God for my roommate...and TV..then it's sleep but for the first time, i'm actually seriously considering seeing a shrink (shut up!) If that isn't the epitome of being americanized!! sighs....
Even before, I've always kinda known i need to sort out my emotions, not doing so usually does more harm than good in the long run.
Spiritually..I'm a disgrace..that's pretty much all i can say about that. I started reading proverbs and i felt like my life is just like some equipment that was put together wrong because the instruction manual wasn't read first. Luckily for us...we get do-overs...and I know I've gotten a million times more than I deserve.

If for no other reason..I'm really not getting any younger and I'm wasting my life away, so I dont have many chances at do-overs yet. And each distraction draws me further back than the one before.
I need to stick to it...
~~~coming soon~~~
My little cousin Grace was singing this song incessantly for one whole day and when i figured out what she was singing and listened to the words...they wrote it for me.

FIOMS!

Today is my sis's birthday..she is all of 28 years old!!! Wow. She will never find this blog i hope..so i can freely say that I'm soooper proud of her and everything she hsa accomplished. We were talking about how she was the experimental child when we first moved here and how she had to go thru everything...from working at waffle house, to having to take the SAT twice because my know-nothing-good-for-nothing uncle said her scores weren't good enough to go to college. To going to community college to changing from accounting to medicine...to taking a year off after college to work before going to med school..to med school...to being a 1st year resident WHAT WHAT!!!! She makes me soo proud and i love her...she is my shero!

Marking it down...to learninnng

I remember when my life could be describe by a song on Matchbox Twenty's "Mad Season" . Those days when i never thought i'd make it. College was hard. Not as bad as high school. I cant find my high school journal :(. But i found my college one..and i was reminscing...let me see if i can find a good throwback joint!
September 3rd,2003
The hardest thing for me to do, my downfall HUMILITY..I guess I have to work on that but for someone to think that i should feel privileged to have them as my friend is really hard to swallow. I guess in some cases, i do that too. I feel like the friend that has to beg to be included in everything. I mean there has to be one in every group. I just didnt imagine it would be me. Friend, that's a funny work. How do loners cope? I forget, I mean, I wish I could do it and I probably could. I'll try it this week maybe. When your friends make you feel liek crap, what do you do? Get new ones. But it's so hard for me, especially when my friends are the ones causing me grief. I meant to say it's hard for me to make new friends. And you thingk you're the only on that gets hurt right? Not knowing you hurt me more. But what can you do? I mean i cant be anyone but me and neither can you. I should first start by saying tht I feel extremely stupid for this. But when i heard that we were going skating with them Abimbola, I perked up. Big mistake because i usually set myself up for a huge, huge disappointment. I should know better, really...I mean you cant be anyone else no matter how much I would like you to be. Yet i remain the hopeless optimist i am. Dreamer! I guess I'm slowly realizing this and slowly letting go so I'm going thru withdrawal. IT SUCKS. YEsterday was typical of my life. Usual disappointments all round. You would think i'm the most depressed person on earth right?

Till Death...

Damn yo! I haven't been here in a minute!!!
Today, we shall focus on marriage!!
Due to the large mad dash for the altar happening around me recently...
These ppl are older than me granted...but not by that much?
Is that what it feels like to be SURE...or are some ppl doing it just cuz, it's the right time and marriage is the right thing to do?
Arent' these people afraid?
At what moment in time do you move from being scared to being sure?
Is there a balance?
When does surety supercede fear?
Do people realize this?

Me sha o, i'm still scared.
This is not school where you study and study and expect to pass
or work where you work and work and expect things to go smoothly
when someone elses emotions and personality and quirks and issues are thrown into the mix it all becomes very dicey.
Will i ever NOT be scared?
I feel like i've come along way from being selfish and so quick to call it quits to being more open and patient and willing to put in the work to make it work..
but i still have issues...
Sooo not ready...is anyone ever ready?

Seriously, do ppl realize till death us do part?

Boys and Girls

So...once again i was watching The Life of Ryan and marveling at my girl crush Taylor and i determined that there are two types of girls....as far as interactions with boys go..
The cool girls
The not so cool girls

I think i'm a not so cool girl...sadly, but it's ok. My theory is that your exposure to the opposite sex at a young age determines your relationship with boys. I think that girls with brothers, have a better relationship with boys that girls without.
For example...for a while there growing up, i was terrified of boys. Even through high school now that i think about it... i thought they were trouble and that we had nothing in common. Obviously, that has changed as i develop into the lady that I am. But sometimes i think my life would have been much easier if i were a cool girl..
Cool girls are always comfortable around guys.
Sidenote: ok seriously, when did Peter Berg become a director? A good one no less...like the last time i saw him, i was like who is this tom cruise wannabe trynna act? Now dude is off directing good movies like The Kingdom...i wanna be a director!!!!

Anyways, back to the matter at hand. Cool girls and the ones you see having a regualr conversation about anything with guys. I'm slightly jealous of them.
To Be Continued

The Taylor- Ryan Dynamic

Obviously, because my life is centered around TV, and art imitates life...i have to see parallels between Taylor and Ryan's friendship(Life of Ryan on MTV) and relationships between guys and girls.
Taylor is a girl, Ryan's friend/counselor and what not...she is SO cool and SO mature for her age, but that's a post for another day. I officially have a girl crush on her :)
Anyways... so the age old question related to the dynamic is this: "Can girls and boys really, truly be just friends?"
Honestly, I think it depends on the people but for the most part, I'm going to say NO!! Because
a) First impressions count a lot
So, let's say you get introduced to some guy, and he doesn't present himself well, obviously...you won't consider the person someone you'd want to date. However, if upon meeting the person, they go all out to try and impress you etc etc and then when they get the impression that you are not interested, they try to be your friend. Y'all Cannot be friends because somewhere in the back of their minds they are hoping for more.

b) Your status when you meet said friend is crucial
You meet said person through a friend, maybe even your boyfriend. If first impression is good..a la a, then it's easy for you to become friends, and just friends depending on how serious you/your relationship are/is. The problem starts if after this encounter, you both become single and are still close...because then it starts to create notions of "we're cool, we're close...what if?" These questions will ultimately need to be answered.

c) Feelings change/grow
This could be like an old friend, a friend of a friend someone who used to be in your life,who reenters it after a long absence. Especially childhood friends. The history is already there. If they happen to be cool/your type, then it's like you know maybe this might work...the new friendship is built on old memories and new feelings and you sometimes feel you've known the person forever. NO, y'all are not JUST friends.You might be just friends with someone because you/they are not ready for a relationship, or willing to take the risk.

d) Taylor is cool
Just had to reiterate.

So...why are Taylor and Ryan "just friends"? I think she's dating Casey...Ryan's best friend..so obviously. But so far with all the rifraff in his life, she seems the most level headed, ultra cool person, perfect fit for him...i'm saying they should be together jare!!

I promise to start back blogging again...it's sooooooo hard...i feel like i have nothing to sayyyy!!!
So i'll start by memeing...slowly but surely..

Accent: Nigerian w/ a twinge of american.
Booze: good wine
Chore I Hate: cleaning.. i have to be in the mood.
Dogs/Cats: Dogs, cats suck
Essential electronics: Laptop, TV, mp3 player
Favourite Perfume: Sheer by Stella Mccartney
Gold/Silver: Silver
Hometown: Anytown, Naija
Insomnia: No, thanks
Job title: biopharma
Kids: None
Living arrangements:apartment
Most admired trait: hmmm.... my attitude towards life? Is that a trait.
Number of sexual partners: Nonya!
Overnight hospital stays: None to date, Thank God.
Phobia: heightophobia
Quote: "Dont let yesterday, determine your tomorrow..." - I don't know who
Religion: Christian.
Siblings: 3
Time I usually awake: 6:30am
Unusual talent: i can almost flip my tongue 360 degress.
Vegetable I refuse to eat: Beets...nasty stuff!
Worst habit: i dunno...thinking about the worst case scenario in all situations?
X-rays: Yes,
Yummy foods I make: I make good rice...i'm still building my repertoire!!
Zodiac sign: aries

Vent!!

ARRHHHHHHHHHHHHFFFFHHHHGGGGHHH!!!
Stupid ppl should be run off the road!! Idiots

Twenty Questions For my past...pt.1

20.Why shouldn't I hate you?
19.What do you take me for?
18.What were/are you afraid of?
17.Why arent you afraid that hurting me will bring bad things your way?
16.Why should I wish good things for you in the future?
15.Why do you think we can be friends?
14.Why her..and her..and her?
13.Why did I not see it coming?
12.What did you do wrong?
11.What did I do wrong?
10.Was there someone else?
9. Why did you lie?
8. What more could we/I/you have done?
7. Why didn't you try harder?
6. Was it all just a game to you?
5. Did you ever take my feelings into consideration?
4. When did you decide it was over?
3. What if?
2. What did you really want?
1. Why not ME?

Untitled

So I'm in an utterly blah mood today. Dunno why in particular...i guess it's just one of those days..weeks...months.

I think maybe I should do a mid year analysis...but i didn't set any goals in particular except buy a house...and we all know how it's going.
I'm just feeling..tired today. Tired of everything. Maybe a little confused.
Trying to sort out my feelings...maybe, maybe not.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.

9 Crimes Lyrics

I'm tired of ppl wanting stuff from me...i have nothing to give.

Good Cry

Scratching the Surface....

I remember when you both came to pick me up from school and mommy was crying...sitting in the front seat. i went to the back and she came out to come to the back to sit next to me and you started moving the car before she was in completely...she had to quickly get in and slam the door. She showed me her lip...it was bleeding. from where you slapped her.
I remember when u slapped my sister because she said something to you about going to do laundry.
I remember when she picked up the phone in the middle of the night when u used to work the night shift and u didnt want to go to work. so they called and she picked up and then u had to go to work. but before u left, u came into her room and beat her while she was sleeping.
I remember when u slapped me because i didnt tell u we were going to the movies with uncle.
I remember waking up suddenly with my heart beating so fast i thot it would explode because I heard u guys arguing downstairs about one thing or the other.
I remember watching you take a running start to try and kick my mommy in her chest because the GAY organist wouldnt stop calling her, or hugging her in church. The church that you still go to.
I remember writing an angry letter to you guys because I was tired or living with all the fighting and I didnt think I could take it.
I remember my sister having to go to therapy because she couldn't handle it anymore
Regardless...
I remember that my sister is about to graduate from med. school. And my sister who swore she would never get married is getting married. And I'm learning to face down my demons and learning that I'm capable of giving and receiving love. And even when i get shot down, i keep trying. And my sister who had to live with you guys all alone while we were all in school seems to be adjusting well to adult life.
I remember that no matter how difficult things might have been/be, you would in an instant give everything. EVERYTHING for your family. And that makes me love you.
I remember that it kills me to write this but i have to get it all out so that i dont keep it in and have it cripple my mind so much that when it all hits me i crash and burn. cant crash and burn anymore.

But God....

My favorite things

Picture Post...
1. Music

2. Yummy Stuff

3. The smell of wet sand, concrete,food...

4. TV...absolutely Rocks

5.

6. My fam

Meme

1. Yourself: INTROVERTED
2. Your partner: SEXY
3. Your hair: SUFFERING
4. Your family: WEIRD
5. Your life: INTERESTING
6. Your favourite item: PHONE
7. Your dream last night: DONT REMEMBER BUT IT HAD COWORKERS IN IT..
8. Your favourite drink: MANGO LEMONADE AND COCONUT RUM...MY OWN CONCOCTION
9. Your dream car: MERCEDES..SOMN SOMN
10. The room you are in: WARM
11. Your ex: NO COMMENT
12. Your fear: FAILURE
13. What you want to be in 10 years: USEFUL
14. Who you hung out with last night: mOI
15. What you're not: AFRAID OF CHANGE
16. Muffins: CHOCOLATE CHIP
17: One of your wish list items: A HOUSE
18: Time: 8:51
19. The last thing you did: TV
20. What you are wearing: JAMMIES
21. Your favourite weather: WARM
22. Your favourite book: THE ALCHEMIST
23. The last thing you ate: CASHEW NUTS
24. Your life: CRAZY
25. Your mood: STRANGE
26. Your best friend: Pial made me put her name
27. What you're thinking about right now: WHAT TO EAT.
28. What you are doing at the moment: THIS
29. Your summer:WORK
30. Your relationship status: 5TH
31. What is on your TV: AI
32. What is the weather like: BEAUTIFUL
33. When was the last time you laughed: TODAY..

My visual Dexoyribonucleicacid

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Wants...and Indians.

"Mommy! I DONT WANT IT"....this is me screaming and crying even though i probably had a 104 fever and malaria whilst being held down by my mom and two nurses because they are about to inject me with nasty novalgene...
Then my mom says.."It's not what you want, it's what's good for you".
I can't count how many times my mom has said this to me/us. But as my youth draws to a close and my brain transitions from young adult to grown woman, I can like so totally understand what she means by that.
Just because you want something, doesnt necessarily mean that it's good for you. This goes for life, love and the pursuit of happiness....i think.

So anyways, i went to return some books to the library...super overdue of course and I was walking to my car and what did i see? Lo and behold...Indians...those engineering building indians..so i did something strange....I inhaled...yes, I inhaled an Indian because i wanted to see if they smell the same as those nedderman ones...and because I am homesick! Yes, they smell the same.

And then I went to c-town..which was just gross but they have the sweetest pineapples and bananas this side of 84, so i bought some....yummay!

Grown and Sexy..and Wentworth Miller

I thought I would be mega depressed this past weekend because I was missing my family and friends.After all my hooks and crooks, I still couldn't get a ticket. Well I could, it would just have been extra expensive. And all my sugar daddy runs didnt work out...DRATS!! Dah well, it's just as well.

So the Grown part: due to forced self analysis and a looking glass event of sorts, I was able to see myself in someone through my eyes...confusing I know. Anyways..I'm not saying the story but I owe a huge apology to my dear dear friend who claims that I'm psycho because sometimes, I get pissed at her for no apparent reason. So pele...I apologize and I will try to be less psycho. Once the psycho had been analyzed, I realized why I used to do what I used to do. This is where the grown part comes in...In relationships, I was privy to several bouts of psycho...but now I know that if and when I decide to get into another relationship...i will most likely not ever go psycho again or at least reduce the amount of psychos...or only have warranted psycho attacks...sigh, I feel grown just writing it.

Sexy: so after the incident that lead to the growth, i decided that I would take my self shopping...for a fraction of the cost for my trip to home. Retail therapy is sooo fracking good. I bought a couple of jackets, and a couple of jeans, and a shirt. And then today, I got some wool pants, they are scratchy but i love them. And a hobo bag...cuz every girl just gots to have them these days don't they? And a tank top. I'm done...then i got some ice cream and some malt. Mmm mmm good!

Ok first of all, I have all rights and claims to Wentworth Miller! I don't care what anyone says...I know i'm the only one that saw the Human Stain...so I discovered him. To this end, I feel that because we have a longer standing chemistry than Prison Break groupies, we are better suited to be together. I hope that I have been able to convince you, and not confuse you that doctors and better than lawyers...thank you! Debate flashbacks sorry... Wentworth Miller is MINE...he was hanging in the gap store and starring after me with those Mona Lisa eyes...you know the one that follows you everywhere you go. Sending shivers down my spine. Naturally I had to walk by the gap store several times. The last time, I went into the store and asked if i could have the poster after they were done with their "Sexy men who belong to me campaign"!! Yes I did it, and I do not shop at Gap so I don't care. Plus it's downstairs at the mall. I just can never pass there again. N E ways, me and wentworth flirting caused me to forget where I parked for like a good two minutes... *shivers*, the boy dikwa very delicious!!

Whoa

My Sis....is getting married. I think it's just now dawning on me. I can't believe it. The source of 99% of all my nicknames..Negligence,Ms. Piggy, Fatty, Fatso,Fatigue. :(
There was a point in my life where the only love I had for her was mainly because she was my sister. I still don't understand her...but I can stand her! LOL. I know we are all related and know each other well enough to know what to do or say to push each other's buttons. But at the end of the day, we definitely got each other's back no matter what! So this one goes out to my dear sister!!! Who I wish a long life of happiness and God's guidance and favor.

Blue

I think that's what I'm feeling
Just Blue
Everything and everyone gets to me
I break out the nickelback/staind/maroon5
I stare out the window when I'm supposed to be working
I blog when I'm supposed to be working

I often wonder why I'm not always this way
I mean, I have reason to be
I guess that would be depression
I miss my family and friends

I guess it's just one of those bad day days
When I should have stayed in bed
Maybe it's the weather

Needs, Wants and Gorra Gorra Haves!

That which we often convince ourselves that we want
Might not be that which is good for us
Might also not be that which we are meant to have
But that which we want might often appear to be shiny and new
And on the inside that which we want might be dull and empty

That which we think we need, which we gotta gotta have
Might infact be that which if we took a step back
We realize that, that which we think we need
which we gotta gotta have is actually that which needs not to be needed by us

That which is good for us is often left on the back burner
Often disregarded, Often Ignored till the very last minute
When everything else fades away then that which we often convince ourselves that we want,which we think we need, which we gotta gotta have become worthless
And that which is good for us, which real really truly need
Has expired!


I'm never leaving my precious yogurt for anything else again! :(

Something to Think About...

You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night

You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God


-----Chris Tomlin Lyrics from "Indescribable"

Titus Pullo..NOOOOOO

So, HBO's Rome is all about duh...Ancient Rome. One of the main characters is Titus Pullo..soldier extradordinaire...he follows orders,does what he is told, is loyal thru and thru. His story is interesting, makes me want to watch the movie Titus starring Anthony Hopkins. In one episode, he rescued a slave girl who he ended up getting married to after buying her freedom and killing her husband but that was because he loved her. I'm really trying to summarize here and make a serious point.
So, Eirene, his wife/former slave girl is pregnant, and some other slave girl was giving her lip so she asked Titus to beat her. Rewind to where Titus is not getting any since she got pregnant cuz she said it's not good for the baby. So this lil hoochie of a slave girl sha seduces Titus and he sleeps with her. The formerly arrogant slave girl now has something to be arrogant about and stuff. Titus recognizes that he made a mistake and I know he's sorry, but I also know he'll probably do it again. I also watched The Last Kiss this weekend.
Ah yes! My point.."To err is human"
My own psychoanalysis of men/boys/the male species with regards to women/girls/the superior species is that there are three types of men.
Man Type #1
Those who know what/who they want and are strong enough to go after it, find it and do what it takes to keep it.
Man Type #2
Then there are those who know what/who they want, go after it but are not strong enough to resist temptation along the way and often lose what they want and may never get it back...all for nothing.
Man Type #3
The third type are those who have absolutely no idea who they want, and just go around screwing around with ppls hearts and feelings.

Women...are scary...cuz I think we have a better idea of what/who we want but are easily influenced by what other ppl around us want, or what we are supposed to want or what is shiny and attractive and appeals to us. We can also get easily cajoled by the third kind of male and completely lose sight of what we want. The scary part of women is when we want who/wat someone else has...then it just gets down right nasty and most women will do whatever they can to get it.

The problem with this is that even if the woman do succeed, she would end up with Man Type #2. Man Type #2 will end up realizing that he had what/who he wanted and will hate her for making him lose it even tho he should be hating himself...he might up getting back what he wants leaving her even more bitter than before.

So the moral of the story kids..find your own want and stop chasing after someone elses...and also know what you want and try not to lose it. :)

A month and a week away

I dunno that I'm dreading turning 24. I love it...I welcome it. After all good things happen around that number 24.
Jack Bauer saves the world in 24 hrs.
24 is not 23 like that psycho Jim Carrey Movie.
There are 24 (2 weeks) in a year and that's how often we get paid
24 means more responsibility sha..and I finally have to decide if I want to go back to school..plus I've started making those old groaning sounds when i sit or stand up! *shivers*
I hope that 24 is like 23 only betterer....:)

Life...oh Life

So I was raised in the church. I believe in God, I believe that Jesus came and died on the cross to reconcile us with our Father. I know of all the promises and how much love God has for us and how unconditional that love is and how he is willing to take us back after we've done our dirt.
So like Paul said and i paraphrase...does this mean that we should keep sinning because we have grace? and to that he replies God forbid.
I think knowing all this put me at an early disadvantage because I know that if I sin, all i have to do is ask for forgiveness and believe I've been forgiven and go and sin no more...but i do and then that's when that whole grace thing comes into the picture...and it has been a vicious cycle for a while. Well, I'm over it...sin no longer has a place in my life...I'm done.
How do i plan to be done you ask? Well it's all about one day at a time...continually asking God for His help in my everyday dealings. I know he's giving me a million gazillion chances, but I know that if I'm serious about my relationship with him I will make it. Like my old pastor Gary used to say...you have to be willing to pick up that cross a million times a day. I dont expect it to be easy but I expect to make my walk with Him a ritual that I crave and I look forward to everyday....and I'm putting myself out here on blast in front of the whole world but I need to hold myself accountable in my heart.

Today

Today, I opened my bible and this was the first thing that caught my eye...how fitting!

Psalm 130:
1 Out of the depts I cry to you O Lord;
2 O Lord, hear my voice.Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy
3 If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord Wwho could stand?
4 But with you there is foregiveness;therefore you are feared.
5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, an in his word I put my hope.
6 My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning
7 O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love
8 He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins

Si then I went online to find where i could copy and paste it but instead i found this....which i also love.
Verse 1-4 - The only way of relief for a sin-entangled soul, is by applying to God alone. Many things present themselves as diversions, many things offer themselves as remedies, but the soul finds that the Lord alone can heal. And until men are sensible of the guilt of sin, and quit all to come at once to God, it is in vain for them to expect any relief. The Holy Ghost gives to such poor souls a fresh sense of their deep necessity, to stir them up in earnest applications, by the prayer of faith, by crying to God. And as they love their souls, as they are concerned for the glory of the Lord, they are not to be wanting in this duty. Why is it that these matters are so long uncertain with them? Is it not from sloth and despondency that they content themselves with common and customary applications to God? Then let us up and be doing; it must be done, and it is attended with safety. We are to humble ourselves before God, as guilty in his sight. Let us acknowledge our sinfulness; we cannot justify ourselves, or plead not guilty. It is our unspeakable comfort that there is forgiveness with him, for that is what we need. Jesus Christ is the great Ransom; he is ever an Advocate for us, and through him we hope to obtain forgiveness. There is forgiveness with thee, not that thou mayest be presumed upon, but that thou mayest be feared. The fear of God often is put for the whole worship of God. The only motive and encouragement for sinners is this, that there is forgiveness with the Lord.
Verse 5-8 - It is for the Lord that my soul waits, for the gifts of his grace, and the working of his power. We must hope for that only which he has promised in his word. Like those who wish to see the dawn, being very desirous that light would come long before day; but still more earnestly does a good man long for the tokens of God's favour, and the visits of his grace. Let all that devote themselves to the Lord, cheerfully stay themselves on him. This redemption is redemption from all sin. Jesus Christ saves his people from their sins, both from the condemning and from the commanding power of sin. It is plenteous redemption; there is an all-sufficient fulness in the Redeemer, enough for all, enough for each; therefore enough for me, says the believer. Redemption from sin includes redemption from all other evils, therefore it is a plenteous redemption, through the atoning blood of Jesus, who shall redeem his people from all their sins. All that wait on God for mercy and grace, are sure to have peace.

Semi-love

Can't be putting no negative stuff on my blog, so i'm not going to say hate. Not that i hate any of these ppl.
So anyways, I believe that ppl are brought into your life for specific reasons..some temporary and some permanent. The temporary ones come, teach you a lesson and they leave. I've been fortunate not to come across too many bad eggs as far as girls are concerned..so I can't even start with that whole I'm more comfortable talking to boys than girls bit...I'm just really choosy with my girl friends...in short, I'm done..no more applications to the inner sanctum. I'll talk about the girls that I semi-love...all four of them; Chituru, Grapevine,Market Woman and Slim Shady..:)
Chituru: supposed family friend, we went to Loral together and for some odd reason, she felt the need to compete with me...she was really light skinned and always, always had a cold sore..like what was up with that..herpes much? Anyways..Loral had this Primary 4 special class...pretty much, if you got into P4 special, you got to skip Primary 5 and go to primary 6 straight. There were two P4 specials, we both got in, but we weren't in the same class..even still, heifer would be competing with me for grads..everytime it was what did u get, what did u get? That lil fool! So anyways..she would always walk up to me and whisper mean stuff in my ear and when we would go to their house, she would be a snobby lil bloodsucker..etc..etc. Gosh. Sha sha oh, when the Common Entrance came about..it just so happend that yours truly had the highest score in the whole school...and the next person was like 30 frigging points behind her...NOW WHAT HUH!! NOW WHAT!! all your mouth making and ish didn't really amount to nothing now did it! Freaking bish! If i see her now, I'mo have to slap her just for being so vicious...it was all very mean girlie..
Grapevine: Ok..let me put on a disclaimer...I really do semi-love this girl..I wouldn't give her my kidney, but you know...I would mention in my blog that she needs a kidney and maybe someone who randomly stumbles by would be the perfect match (God forbid she ever need a kidney tho..Amen). We used to be super close in secondary school (shut up about those sister jokes! >(..) anyways, it was all well and good, she had a lot of senior friends and school fathers and mothers, and I used to tag along...so me to I got my own school father tee hee..but after a while it just got old. I think I was slightly a hater because in dorm,when we all had to get out, homegirl would still be sleeping and then after everyone was out, she would now wake up, go take a shower in someone's duty and got to class..wtf used to live in such luxury in boarding school? Na craze...anyways, we were still close sha, but in JS2 i think i heard from some of my other friends that she was saying stuff about me behind my back..and from then on we just stopped being cool,cool...could never really cut the cord tho, for whatever reason. We sha ended up in the same school years later..go figure and she was still the same..she had something to say about everyone and she never remembered who she heard it from...bloody annoying if you ask me. I remember her telling LDR#1 that I didn't really like him and I was just in a relationship with him just to be in one...the truth of the matter was that it was also partially out of pity but the heffalump didnt have to tell him! There's a girl's oath of silence...can't believe she said that to him..anyways..she got hers. Boys are mean sha..so it turned out that she was "talking" to two of my guy friends at the same time, and I told him, told him she was "talking" to the other boy but they wouldn't listen...sha sha..they finally confronted her on 6 way..I was on the phone with one of them, and he was on the phone with the other dude, and someone sha called her, two other ppl were on the phone..so it was like three 3-ways..and she didnt know. So she got caught in a lie and they all pounced on her and verbally dissed her on the phone...while I did not/do not condone it...it was deliciously wicked..like devil's chocolate cake... I guess the main lesson I learnt from her is that you should be careful who you trust and who u consider to be your friend. But c'est la vie..we move on.
Slim Shady: Ok this girl I just dont know...at first I thot she was just naive but even that one get it's own levels...she was incredibly smart and she helped me out with some of my school work and ish but at the same time..she was friends with grapevine...and i'm naturally wary of ppl that can be cool cool with her..because she likes to talk about other ppl..even if they spent 5% of their time talking about nigerian movies, 5% about miscellaneous stuff, 5% about boys, 5% about school..that left a whole 80% to be focused on other ppl...one comment she made to me was about grapevine and it always stuck..something like "hmm, some ppl that you consider to be your friends don't feel that same way about you"...and I knew exactly who she was talking about. Life sha.. anyways, she makes snide lil comments that can be easily retracted or restated to be less offensive,but you know what her primary aim was...ppl like that scare me oh!
Market Woman: you know how some ppl, just rub you the wrong way and/or are excessively abrasive eg: pauly shore and gilbert gottfried(sp)...like u just want to use a fly swatter and squish them! UGH...like freaking GET AWAY FROM ME!!! yeah...that's what market woman will do to ya. Now i'm not trying to be a snob because girl is actually quite smart..it's just that I feel like even lil smart comments that I could say to maybe make her aware of her behavior is wasted on her..she won't ever get it...like explaining quantum physics to jessica simpson..useless. Anyway oh, this heiffer had the guts to call me a bitch and an e-diot! all because I didn't let her into a club that I couldn't even let her into at that point...like it was freaking packed wat did they want me to do? Anyways..that didn't even phase me, it just gave me a reason to do what i had always wanted to do...cut her off!
See..for all my approaching 2 dozen years (OMG...I'm having a semi freak out!)..i've only had the misfortune of meeting 4 inner sanctum rejects..God is good!

The Father/Child Dynamic

Two things first of all: Nothing I say is backed up with any statistics..I'm just speculating and theorizing..as I've been known to do. Second thing: Yes this post is based on 24 and Jack and his Dad...but art imitates life men!!

So anyways, I was thinking about this whilst watching two glorious hours of twenty four. I love me some Jack, but I fear this series is coming to an end. I mean what other twists and turns could they possibly put that we haven't already seen in some way. But I digress...
Growing up, I used to think my Dad was like a demi-god...and he could do no wrong. I mean yes, he was strict and, didn't like noise in the house...i remember when my sister got whooped cuz she fell on a ball, I still don't understand the reasoning behind that one but it's all in the conclusion. I remember he would go to Lagos and whenever he was coming back I would try my hardest to stay up and wait for him but I would fall asleep, only to be awoken by a New Dress!! or french toast or pancakes..sigh..those were the days, when we were easy to please.
Then as we got older, I remember being threatened with pepper selling just so i could study and pass the common entrance (IN YOUR FACE CHITURU!!!lil biyotch..this heffa doesnt even deserve her own post but she will get it, along with my list of haters!). Which I did pass! And then when our dog/family member got paralyzed and we had to get rid of her..and everyone cried..including my dad..it was a horrible day. Still brings tears to our eyes(sob..sob..talk about being able to cry on cue!)
This story is just becoming more and more disjointed sha oh...but anyways, I felt like I said that my Dad could do no wrong...because he is just that type of Dad,who is willing to do any and everything for his family.
One of the worst realizations/best moments in my life was when I finally understood that my Dad was HUMAN...common sense no? Yes but all the while I had been treating him like he wasn't. When they(my 'rents) would do something like not allow me to go to prom, or force me to go the the school i went to, I would be very upset to the point of betrayal sef! I still get upset at times, but the difference is that me seeing him as human allows me to allow him to act that way, to make mistakes, to be susceptible to all the faults/errors etc that we humans face everyday. That helped me a lot because instead of not having a conversation when i think they are wrong and stalking off to my room, I can and actually love to sit and have a conversation with them about where they are coming from and all that good stuff...and even if i dont always get my way...at least I can listen and understand so that the next time, I'll know their way of thinking and come more prepared.
Except when their POV makes absolutely no damn sense and then I'm likely to act a fool still...or pout to get my way!:) Damn thing doesnt work as much as it used too!
Oh yeah...what does this have to do with Jack...I was just thinking about how his father is evil and the scum of the earth, but Jack doesn know it, I think Jack is still in that phase where his dad can't do any wrong and such...But once he realizes that na papa na im kill im broda, then it's on an popping!

Boring

Happy Birthday to my lovely cousins...i love you both a million and one pieces!

Today, I was so freaking bored that I almost fell asleep playing tetris...and then at the meetings and in the cafeteria...i was giving ppl makeovers because they badly,badly need it...I mean i don't have a full length mirror but I try and look at myself from top to bottom before I venture out. And there is not chance of a freaking flood, can i get u to pull ur pants down...joblessness huh?

It's a Twofer day!

Totally Non-Random Randomness

Sometimes, I wish I had more of a life
Or was more intriguing/interesting
Or was less shy
Or was more able to go out and make friends easily

Other times, I like the way I am
I like people watching
And coming up with worst case scenarios in my head
I guess that's my way of preparing myself for the worst

For the first time in a loong time, I remembered my dream last night, still do
Something about my dad coming to visit me and then us going to see a broadway show..weird!
I can't decide if I made myself dream it or if it was a natural dream
When I have nightmares, I usually tell myself it's a nightmare and i wake up..completely forgetting what the nightmare is about.
I still often have that falling dream, I'm trying to control that dream too by stopping the events that lead to the fall so I dont.
Am I a control freak?

I don't like meeting new ppl, terrified silly especially about this vegas trip
I know it's going to be fun because not everyone is entirely new but still

I tend to over think stuff..always to the point of exhaustion but when i decide to not think about it, it Miraculously works itself out either for better or worse
And then I tell myself that I should not even go thru the stress of overthinking
But next time, I do...go figure

I just realized that my parents are no spring chickens and for the first time, I didn't have a mini panic attack.
I find that weird and almost disturbing

I've been looking for a particular song on my CD for like 2 years now...too lazy to listen to all songs thru to find it...it is very upsetting!

My attempt to be poetic!

All things being equal
All things being equal is a lie
Life never gives u equality
It gives you uncertainty
And disillusionment
It gives you dissapointment
And pain
It gives you unfairness
And strife

All things being opposite is more like it
Life gives you opposites
It gives you love
And war
It gives you hope
And detachment
It gives you good
And evil

Letter to My Future

Dear Future,
Sometimes I try to see my present through the eyes of my past. Is this where I thought I'd be at this point in my life? I remember my dreams being limitless, I remember wanting everything and nothing. I think age has narrowed my ability to dream, it used to be sooo broad but now, I dont even remember my dreams when i wake up. When did i get disillusioned? When did I become an inside the box thinker?
Not to say that my present is not good...I'm just wondering if it's good enough. All my big plans to change the world...I feel like I'm slowly letting my 8-5 suck me into the abyss of normalcy. Soon I won't even feel it when i see all those feed the children ads much less cry.
Pls future dont allow me to be complacent and accept that I'm normal because I cant be normal.
My favorite actor person in the whole world is known to have said "I'm sorry that my existence so far has not been noble". But he doesn't know that he saw me through some horrible times. I just remember always loving him and yes i know he doesnt know i exist but at a point in my life when I didn't know and truly love myself and my family..I loved him and at that point, It made me feel human.

To Be Continued..........

ASIDE: Wentworth Miller is SOOOO FRIGGING SEXY!
"And you're so independent, you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break!!"-Aaron Lewis

Today...I'm feeling like..

and definitely like

HO..hum

Not that i have anything in particular to blog about or anything on my mind...but just cuz i'm trying to form a habit of blogging regularly.
So Sidney Sheldon is dead...and I was upset! May his soul rest in peace.Amen!
Is it weird that i'm scared that the actors and actresses i grew up watching are getting old and might soon die... I can't imagine my Sean Connery,Paul Newman,Harrison Ford dying...it makes me soooo sad.

I didnt pay much attention to the world happenings today. I saw that MY MAVS whooped Supersonic Bootay tho! GOO MAVSSSSSSeSSs.
Till tomorrow bloggie...:)

Meme

START

Question 1:
Imagine you are in a desert (are you there?); Yes
Now imagine a ladder (are you seeing it?); ummm yea
Now what is the position of the ladder? Standing Alone

Question2:
Image a horse in that same desert (are you there?);yup
What is the colour of the horse? White
What is the horse doing? Drinking from an oasis

Question 3:
Come back to reality...
Give three reasons why you like water.
'Tis good for the body
'Tis refreshing
'Tis cleansing
Question 4:
What is your favourite colour?White
Give the three reasons why you like that colour.
I look good in it, It goes with everything, It looks clean (when it is that is)
Question 5:
What is your favourite animal (Even if you don't like, what would it be if you do?)Dog
Give three reasons why you like/would like that animal.
They're loyal
They're protective
They're soooo cuuuutteee!
Question 6:
Imagine you wake up in a white room with no door, and no window.
What will be your first reaction? SCREAM
What will be your reaction afterwards? Knock around for any hollow spaces

Question 7:
Without thinking, name two opposite sex names that are not your family member.
1? A
2? A
Question 8:
Without thinking, name someone from your family member.
1? I

Question 9:
Name anyone, same sex or otherwise, that is not a family member.
1? J

Question 10:
List four of your favourite music title
This is why i'm hot
I need a boss
Upgrade U
Forever for you

Question 11:
List four of your favourite location/city.
Boston
LA
Dallas
Atlanta

Last One:
Arrange these animals according to your preference:
Tiger, Sheep, Cow, Monkey, Eagle

Cow,Sheep,Monkey,Eagle,Tiger

I know, I know!!

This blogging business is hard oh! I've been slacking majorly either that or I really haven't had anything to blog about. It's freezing here...but I'm dealing.
Being a jumbled up mess.

Guess Who's Back!

BLOGGIE DEAREST!!
I honestly missed you, i have so much to blog about from my travels, but for now, all I can say is I had a blast...it was awesome...ten years later, I'm sooooo proud to be from where I'm from, to be related to who I'm related to and to love them! Happy New Year btw!
Can i just one last time gush over my cousins and congratulate the lucky bishes that will be marrying them starting with the dudes!
OC: this boy..THIS Man..is *sighs*...he's just awesome, for all that he's been thru, he has a good head on his shoulders..a smile that lights up the room and those DIMPLES!! He's a good boy! I miss him.
Nnanna (IJ connection): he comes off as quiet, but not quiet because he has nothing to say. I had possibly the deepest conversation with him..and he's only SEVENTEEN! Geez. He's my lil justin timberlake!
Nnanna (Ekpo!): he is the epitome of an Ibo Man..he's all about his responsibility and his pride and his money and his future. He's very caring and passionate about people and things he cares about. He might come off as a bit rougish/thuggish but he's a lil teddy bear!
Okoro: got me rolling, his humor is soooo sincere you cant help but crack up. He can be pigheaded but he's actually very sensible! Stubborn as all hell tho!
Obinna: He's just easy going, laughs a lot, 9ja hardship has changed him but can't ever break his spirit!
Kelechi: Hmmmm..nuff said
ND:is just quiet, until you play psquare or dbanj! FI LE! :) I wish i could unlock his mind and find out what he's thinking. I still loves him a lot tho!
AWA: awa kpai tu'm oko! he's very local, i think he kinda looks like josh hartnett a lil. I think he's misunderstood...:)

The gials
Nene I: She's the coolest chic in Abuja..she's smart and beautiful and she listens and she's helpful..love U
Small Nene: my baby...i raised this chic...now she's all grown up and in secondary school! I love her spirit..cant believe this is she's all grown up..sniffs!
Nnenna: this chic! i've know her since she was like freaking 5..stubborn lil girl growing into a vivacious woman. With her silly galala dance moves! So proud!
There are more gials but um...i'm tired!