Saturday, May 19, 2007

Scratching the Surface....

I remember when you both came to pick me up from school and mommy was crying...sitting in the front seat. i went to the back and she came out to come to the back to sit next to me and you started moving the car before she was in completely...she had to quickly get in and slam the door. She showed me her was bleeding. from where you slapped her.
I remember when u slapped my sister because she said something to you about going to do laundry.
I remember when she picked up the phone in the middle of the night when u used to work the night shift and u didnt want to go to work. so they called and she picked up and then u had to go to work. but before u left, u came into her room and beat her while she was sleeping.
I remember when u slapped me because i didnt tell u we were going to the movies with uncle.
I remember waking up suddenly with my heart beating so fast i thot it would explode because I heard u guys arguing downstairs about one thing or the other.
I remember watching you take a running start to try and kick my mommy in her chest because the GAY organist wouldnt stop calling her, or hugging her in church. The church that you still go to.
I remember writing an angry letter to you guys because I was tired or living with all the fighting and I didnt think I could take it.
I remember my sister having to go to therapy because she couldn't handle it anymore
I remember that my sister is about to graduate from med. school. And my sister who swore she would never get married is getting married. And I'm learning to face down my demons and learning that I'm capable of giving and receiving love. And even when i get shot down, i keep trying. And my sister who had to live with you guys all alone while we were all in school seems to be adjusting well to adult life.
I remember that no matter how difficult things might have been/be, you would in an instant give everything. EVERYTHING for your family. And that makes me love you.
I remember that it kills me to write this but i have to get it all out so that i dont keep it in and have it cripple my mind so much that when it all hits me i crash and burn. cant crash and burn anymore.

But God....

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

My favorite things

Picture Post...
1. Music

2. Yummy Stuff

3. The smell of wet sand, concrete,food...

4. TV...absolutely Rocks


6. My fam