I'm sorry

I know it's a new year and all that good stuff and maybe i should not start the new year with um..how you say.."angry thoughts?". But I'm just feeling kinda um..upset. Just a little bit...and maybe a little homicidal as well.

I love being Nigerian..that's part of my foundation and part of what makes me who I am. And maybe I'm a hypocrite/all mouth and stuff when it comes to actually making any grand patriotic gestures. And quite frankly I haven't really been keeping up with the whole terrorist thing..partially because I don't really feel like I have extra time to be sifting through all the information out there to figure out what is true and what isn't...not until today.

But the real reason is because I am truly just so frustrated about everything "Nigerian" possibly everything "human" but the things that actually pissed me off are totally unrelated and related to Nigerians so there you have it.

First, the terrorist kini/ Nigeria being put on the watch list. No I don't think it's fair but quite frankly what can we do about it? When Michael Moore put Nigerians in his movie and named their cockroach alien eating leader Obesandjo or whatever and we were all up in arms..do you think Michael Moore's lard ass lost 1 ounce of fat worrying about what Nigeria thought?
What effect does the Nigerian senate think an ultimatum will have on the United States? Yes putting Nigeria on the watch list is unfair, but shouldn't our next move be trying to work with the United States strengthen our relationship by resolving to ensure that our security screenings are stricter? What is being defensive going to do for us?

Second, where in the hell is our "president"? Seriously...SERIOUSLY!!! I mean, ok fine you are ill or whatever, shouldn't the vice president be the next in command. Just goes to prove that the president is really just a figure head. I've said it a million times...all those people, president, vice president, government officials,senators, and most governors should be put on a ship (the SS Homicide) with one day's worth of food and sent off on the ocean. When they are too far off to swim back..drop a missile..let them all just go to the bottom of the ocean because they are just useless, worthless things.

I know that things are changing..I know that I'm not in a position to even talk but it's so frustrating. And yes maybe the younger generation can do something but by the time you cut through all the nepotism and corruption and bullshit..even if you get to the point where you can make any real changes unjaded and uninfluenced, there will always be people trying to stop you from doing what is right.

Third, some Nigerians enh..sometimes we are our own worst enemies. This year..this new born year..I've just witnessed a lot of venomous actions/reactions that make me scratch my head. Some nigerians just cannot keep their damn opinions to themselves. I was reading linda ikeji's blog and she posted pictures of herself in a black dress and some sandals..anonymous ppl who are definitely Nigerian because of how they write, just leave this horrible comments. Look anonymous fools..if you have the guts to say what is on your mind..hateful and retarded as it is..have the balls to put ya name on it na. Why do you have to comment at all? Just read and be disgusted privately to yourself. Why comment? Who cares about what you think.

Let's not even talk about hateful people on discussion boards that will remain nameless because it just doesn't even deserve any attention so let's not give it. How do you expect other people to treat you if you cannot treat your own fellow man with some level of respect? I've never felt so ashamed as when i read someone's comment to the effect of "and these are supposed to be the future mothers of our children". I felt that..I felt ashamed because at the very least I'm guilty by association.

My fellow Nigerians, I'm just venting and there is no moral of the story. The blame falls squarely my shoulders for allowing things to degenerate to this level. So hunker down folks. Make sure you get to the airport extra early. Pack light, dress warm, and be patient because it's going to be a long, long nightmarish flight from here on out. No you cannot bring egusi,garri or any other foreign looking foods because it will most likely not make it through. Yes you have to buy your ogbono from the African store and it may taste like soap.

I feel torn between what I should be doing and what I want to do. And because it's more practical and realistic to continue what I should be doing..what I want to do will probably never get done.

I'm also sorry that my only solution involves homicide.

Sighs... I think in this blog I've gone through a range of emotions..anger mostly, then sadness, then hopelessness and now...back to HOPE!!!!

Because where there is life there is HOPE and if I can't do any grand sweeping gestures to bring about rapid and positive change globally, I can try to be the best ME i can be..the best Christian, daughter,granddaughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, aunt, student,driver,roommate,niece,blogger that i can be. Shikena!