I don't want us to be the end of me....

...#5

I know it's not just me...cuz Mgbeks don addressed it already..but everybody seems to be getting hitched and wanting you (read: me) to know about it. And I'm completely happy for each and everyone of them...shoutout to Melanie and Keith getting married tomorrow!!

I, Kate suffer from bouts of "when-will-it-be-my-turnitis".
I'll be the first one to admit that there are a list of logical reasons why I'm probably not ready to get married...ranging from financial to educational but dang...can we put a ring on it? My finger and my eggs are shriveling as we speak :)....CALM DOWN...i'm just being dramatic for effect.

I kinda feel like this post will jinx me but I don't believe in jinxes *maybe a little*.
But if i were to be completely open and honest with myself sometimes (not all the time)...I feel that I'm not emotionally ready to get married cuz..

- I have this image of myself in my head of who I'm meant to be abi who I want to be and I don't think I'm there yet. I'm working on it and I know I've changed. Recently, one of my friends was like "Mehn Kate you've changed...I used to pray for you because I thought you'd never change and you'd be alone" *I tried to take it as a compliment*

- From my teenage years through my early 20s..I was a pretty angry, easily disillusioned chic terribly afraid of failure to the point where i figured if i never tried..then i couldn't fail. And since the last thing I'd ever want to fail at was a marriage...why try at all?

- I'm still afraid of failure..but I believe that life is about choices...I choose to love, I choose to be in love and I choose to be present in a relationship and I choose to try my hardest to make it work...and everything I can't control...I put in God's hands and TRY not to worry about it.

- The thing is...where do you draw the line with regards to compromising who you are and what you want out of life just to "make it work"?. I've been accused of being "too nice" and bottling up things just to keep the peace..but I usually can't do it for long and when I reach tipping point...it's all bad and I feel like I'm back at square one...again

- I know Love is patient, kind, does not keep record of wrongdoing...etc.
But as an evolving being, I know that I personally sometimes (unknowingly) expect my other to fill a void in my life that they cannot and are not meant to. And when they don't I get impatient and unkind and begin keeping record of wrongdoings..

Because of all these things, I sometimes feel like I'm still a work in progress and as such..not particularly ready to get married...one of my friends believes however that you're not necessarily supposed to be "perfect" before you make that commitment...and you should be able and willing to work through individual issues together in the relationship....I can dig that logic but I also feel like marriage and all that will bring on its own share of issues so why not go into it as issueless as possible. I'm definitely an advocate of premarital counseling..


I'm a slacker I know it...I should be done with my list especially since I'm done with classes so i really have nothing to study for but ...lol..i admit i actually forgot that I had a blog for a while there...

shey y'all are ok out there in Bloogville?

Deuces


ASIDE:
does anyone else get really upset when commercials get abruptly interrupted by another random one? I'm like WTH...now I want to know what exactly you were trying to sell me!!!

does anyone watch Stargate Universe:SGU?.OMG Season Finale!!!sooo good!.ok...I'm a weirdo! I get it...